My Third and FINAL C-section!
I'm so grateful that you are here today and that you chose this show to listen to.
If you want to be on the show like. Click the link in the show notes cuz I would love to have you on. This show isn't just about, you know, birth professionals, doulas, birth workers, whatever it is coming on. I wanna have real and raw conversations. With parents cuz who am I? I'm just a parent, you know, and I'm just sharing my real and raw perspective of my life.
So I would love, love, love to have a chat with you. All right, so in this episode I am going to be talking about Leia's C-section. So with Leia, I, I had a good pregnancy. I actually. It was a great pregnancy. We didn't have any complications, no issues. She was great. Um, I don't know, I didn't have any, like, sometimes I get like super emotional and then in the beginning I was, but you know, throughout the pregnancy it was okay.
And during the end I was a little complaining cuz you know, you're big, you're tired, you're hot, you're this, you're that. Um, but no, it was a really good pregnancy. I did want to try for a V A C. My doctor had told me that they just don't do V A Cs. She didn't support it, the hospital didn't support it. Um, so we were just going to schedule a repeat C-section and I.
I hated that I made that decision. Um, I had talked to Javi about it and he was like, well, yeah, if that's what the doctor says, let's do it, or whatever, you know, he always kind of goes along with what I say, um, especially if I feel like it's the right decision. He trusts my judgment. Um, we never really researched further into it.
I didn't realize that you could change doctors and I really didn't deep dive into having a vaginal birth after that cuz I had so many people saying, well, you had two C-sections, you know this, it'll be fine. You know, it's not, it's not a big deal. And. I don't know. I just kept taking that into account of what everybody else was telling me and I convinced myself that yeah, you know, it's okay.
And then we'll get to know exactly when she'll be born, cuz it was gonna be on a scheduled day and it would make things easier, like for when Javi takes off work to be home with us and, um, all that. You know, looking back on it, that stuff does not really matter because he could have taken it off if I had a vaginal birth too.
Um, but you know, those were just all the things that they kind of pushed at me saying, giving me all like the positive benefits of it. Nobody ever, ever, ever mentioned V a C. The only thing I heard about it is it's dangerous and your baby could die and your uterus could rupture. And so that's what I told other people.
Um, I felt like I almost had to like, make an excuse as to why I was having a C-section again, like, oh, I have to because my doctor says so and they don't support it, so it must not be okay. Um, Yeah, so I never researched deep into it and you know, of course I have like my regrets that I try not to dwell on because I had like a perfect pregnancy.
I remember even at the end of pregnancy I felt like, cuz you know, you have that relaxing hormone that is released into your body and it like, um, makes everything really like mobile, like your hips and everything start to feel like really loose at the end. And then, um, I had like a lot of lightning crotch as they call it, um, where it feels like a poking sensation or like a lightning sensation from the baby being so low down there.
And I never had like, vaginal checks or anything like that because I was having a C-section. So, you know, they didn't bother to do any of that kind of stuff and I didn't ask for it. So, um, You know, we had her scheduled C-section at 39 weeks. It was October 15th, 2019. And yeah, I, I mean, it went well, you know, like the scheduling and everything.
Once we got to the hospital, we checked in, they got me in a gown and, uh, but think it was a couple hours later. Um, They, you know, prepped me cause I think they had like a quote unquote emergency. Maybe it wasn't emergency, but whenever I hear that word it's a little triggering cuz I'm like, was it really an emergency?
But anyways, um, So, uh, after they were done, then they got me in the room and, um, you know, of course they took me in there first. They inserted the spinal into my spine and, um, the mood in there was actually really light. We were all joking around the, the anesthesiologist was really cool. He. Kind of funky and had like funky music playing and um, was just like laughing and making jokes.
Um, so it did make the mood very light. But, you know, looking around, like I was sitting on this table half naked, it was freezing cold in there and I saw all the instruments, like I saw the scalpel and you know, just all the gauze and. Tubes and I was just like, oh my gosh, I'm going through this major surgery.
So I had a lot of anxiety. I didn't show it cause I feel like I really know how to, um, Hide it well. Um, but I was having a lot of anxiety. I was really trying to focus on keeping myself calm because I didn't wanna freak out because, you know, I didn't want my blood pressure to spike or, you know, something weird cuz you know, you're on this monitor the whole time and, um,
Uh, so I was trying to stay calm, but once, once the spinal was put in, of course, um, my legs started feeling heavy, like immediately as I'm dangling my legs off the table, and then all of a sudden I wasn't feeling them. And so they helped me lay down on the table. And then once they lay you down, then they go right to.
Putting the catheter in and uh, well if you're not shaved, they shave you. If you don't know now, you know, um, they shave you down there to make sure your incision site and everything has no hair around it. Um, so then they applied the catheter, inserted the catheter, and then after that, um, let's see, they put the catheter in and I was like, It was so embarrassing.
I, I vividly remember because there was this nurse, it was a male nurse in training. That was his first C-section he had been in and he was, this is so embarrassing. He was like at the foot of the bed just staring at my vagina and my legs were wide open. I was like, this is so awkward right now. I was like, can we close my legs now?
Because they like display you open. I'm like, I'm still a person. I still don't feel like being on display. Like, that's so rude in my opinion. Um, but I just, I remember like he looked and then he was like trying not to look. I was like, oh my God, this is so weird. But anyway, he's, so after they fixed my legs, um, Uh, they had like brought Javi in and before this, so I had requested with my doctor, um, at my previous prenatal appointment, I said, I want it to be like a gentle C-section.
And she was like, okay, well what does that mean to you? And so I told her I want to clear drape. And she's like, well, I don't know. We normally don't have them, so if we have one then we will, but if not, then we can't. And I was just like, okay. Um, I was like, well, I'm requesting it now. So, and she was like, okay.
Um, and so I wanted that and I wanted, um, her to be brought to me immediately, like onto my chest after she was born. And, um, you know, I told him I wanted it to be, I wanted to see her right away. Um, oh gosh, there was anoth, there was a few other things that I had requested. Um, That we're not honored. But anyways, I, okay, so back to the C-section.
So Javi had been brought in and um, if I remember correctly, him and the anesthesiologist were like, joking. Javi's such a joker too. So he knows how to make the mood light as well. Oh, I had requested the OB GYNs don't talk. Unless it's related to the C-section. So it was actually oddly quiet. It was weirdly quiet.
The anesthesiologist had his music on. Um, but that was it. Like, other than that, like nobody was talking unless they were like, okay, grab that. Okay, pull this, you know, or Oh, cut a little more. So, um, and I was just like, oh my gosh. I was telling Holly I just want this to be done. He's like, I know they're almost done.
And like, so I'm looking up into the ceiling and there's like this bright, shiny light thing, and I could see the reflection of my open abdomen in it. And it's like, I wanted to look because I, I love seeing all those crazy things like blood and. Guts does not bother me. But at the same time I was like kind of weirded out cuz I was looking at myself wide open in that reflection.
And so I had to stop looking cuz I was like, okay, I don't wanna freak out cause it's kind of weird cause like literally my abdomen is completely open right now. Um, so anyways, it was rather quickly, um, That they had, they were getting Leia out. Um, so I actually have the video of it completely. So they had started to pull her head out and they couldn't pull it all the way.
So they like, almost like pushed it back, pushed her back down, not pushed her down, but like pushed out of the way and then, um, took this instrument out and started cutting my skin open more to obviously allow her to come out. I think she had kind of a big head, um, but I don't remember what side it was, but it seemed like it was on the bigger side anyways, so, um, they cut me open a little more and then they pulled her out and just watching the video of it.
Cause you know, I didn't see it firsthand. They did pull down the drape once they started pulling her out, but, I didn't have that type of view. So anyways, watching the video, they're so aggressive. They literally pull your baby out by like their head and neck and like wiggle them or just pull them up.
Like, ugh, how horrible is that? We're so gentle with newborns after they're born, but when they're pulling 'em out, they're so aggressive. I just don't understand that. Like, I don't understand that they had pulled the drape down. So I did see her come out and then the doctor like, Put her right in my face, like almost like against the clear drape in front of me.
And I remember like seeing her and I was like, oh, she's so cute. And Javi was like, oh, she looks just like Camille. And I was just like, I hate to say this, but I felt no emotion. It was horrible. Like I was putting, like she put her towards me and like her hand was right there and I put like my finger on the plastic of, on top of her hand.
So it was like, I didn't feel her skin, I didn't smell her, you know? And when you were giving birth, there's like these hormones that are, are coming off of you, coming off of your baby, and there's this exchange of hormones. And pheromones, they, we smell each other and then there's like this instant connection.
Uh, most of the times it doesn't happen all the times, but there's literally this exchange of smells and I didn't have that, you know, I saw my baby through this clear drape, and then I was able to touch her fingers through the plastic, so I was touching plastic, and then they took her away. And gave her to somebody else.
And I had asked for her to be just put directly to my chest cuz I wanted all that goodness of her Sliminess on me might sound weird, but I wanted it. But they didn't. They just took her right off. They cleaned her up, weighed her, measured her. And I wanted that golden hour and without anybody else touching her, I wanted her to come directly to me, but they didn't allow it.
And I. Was just like, okay. So immediately after she came out, the anesthesiologist, I saw him like pushing. Something into my iv. And then he's like, all right, you're gonna feel really good now. And I was like, wait, what? What did you just put in there? And he was like, oh, it's just something that's gonna make you feel good.
And I'm like, okay. Nobody asked me. They just put these drugs in me. And so I had no choice at that point. Now it was gonna be pulsing through my veins, you know? And I'm guessing the point of them doing that is so that I don't immediately feel discomfort or pain from the C-section. But like I didn't consent to that.
I didn't say, he didn't tell me what he was gonna do. He just did it, and that was really obnoxious. I was like, okay, thanks for taking another one of my decisions away from me. So after that, I think it was like five or 10 minutes, and then I was like closer to 10 minutes. Then they brought, you know, Leia over to me and she was laying on my chest and it was, um, buggy during my C-sections is because they push all these drugs into you.
And later on I found out the drug they put gave me was fentanyl. And I was like, why wouldn't they ask me? Like, is it okay if we give you Fentanyl? That's what we're going to give you. Not even that, like, not even that. So, You know, we went into the recovery room and oh, it was bli, it was blissful. When we were in there, I was just kissing her and hugging her and she was very sleepy.
Um, she didn't open her eyes for a while. Poor thing. Cause she was so drugged up and I was pretty drugged up. I was literally in a fog. I was like, what is happening? I feel so good right now. I remember saying that I feel so good right now. And I was like, why? Why do I feel like this? And then the nurse was like, oh, well he gave you some drugs to help with the pain.
And I was like, oh, okay. And. So it was like an hour. I stayed in there and then they took us to our room and you know, we stayed in there and I think it was like another hour. Cause I, I kept her on me the whole time, but it was like another hour before she started coming around and wanting to like feed.
And so after that it was, It was okay. You know, I actually did have a pretty decent healing process from that. I was in good shape. I, I feel like I was in really good shape when I was pregnant, and so I really do think that that helps. You know, the better in shape you are, the more you take care of yourself throughout your pregnancy, before pregnancy, and then during, and of course after.
But you know, this contributes to your postpartum healing journey. And, um, yeah, so I did feel pretty good. But you know, of course I was sore and, you know, I had other kids to take care of, so I didn't really rest as much as I kind of wanted to. I was able to continue breastfeeding. Leia. Leia. I think I went, it was like 12 or 14 months that I breastfed her.
I didn't exclusively breastfeed her, but we did breastfeed, um, until then, and she weaned. Herself. Um, yeah, so. Now Leia is three years old and she is such a vivacious little girl. Oh my gosh. She's got a personality and of course she has her older sister, Camille, so she is like a little copycat. It's so funny because she's so little, but she's so smart.
That was that story. That was that C-section experience for me. I'm sure I'm leaving out some details, but. For the most part. That's what I remember. And you know, there, there was times where I did feel like very unheard. I didn't feel heard or seen or respected during that process because like I've said before, I felt like things were being done to me, I didn't feel like I was a part of the process.
I felt like it was just, I was like this vessel and they were just using me and it's not a very good feeling. It's, it's horrible, honestly. And so I invite you to be so aware of this. If you know anybody that has had a C-section, be kind. You know, and I mean, this goes for anybody no matter what birth you've had, but you never know what has happened to somebody.
You don't know what they went through to get to where they are, and they might be doing a really good job at hiding it. So just be conscious of that. All right. Well, thank you so much again for listening. That is my third and final C-section story. Next, I will share my Vback story. Until then, I will talk to you soon.
If you enjoyed any part of this episode, please let me know. Or if you want to know some more information about my experience, then don't hesitate to reach out. Like I'm literally an open book. I enjoy talking about this. Stuff because I love to be able to bring awareness and help people through this, and honestly, it also helps me on my healing journey.
All right. I'll talk soon. Thank you so much for listening. I appreciate you. Bye.
