Dreamy Home Birth with a Hemorrhage
This week we had a special birth story, from a doula, and her name is Bekah, and I'm so excited to dive into this conversation.
So Becca, if you wouldn't mind kind of introducing yourself, I would love that. Yeah. I'm Becca Blouin. I am a birth and postpartum doula in north Louisiana. Um, I have been attending births for a few years, but I just officially started my business within the past year, so just now getting kind of like established, but, um, I love it and I'm getting like really into everything and like diving into birth work here in north Louisiana.
So Beautiful. I love it. Um, so I don't know if you wanna speak to why you became a doula or birth worker. Yeah. So, um, So I was in college for psychology, um, and I was in my, like I to start my last semester and I came to visit family and I actually was contacted by a family member and asked, she asked me to attend her birth and I was like, sure, I knew nothing about birth at this point, you know, just what I had seen on tv.
So obviously, you know, birth is scary and there's yelling and you know, so I remember like driving to the hospital cuz she was being induced. Um, scheduled induction. And I remember driving the hospital like pumping myself up, preparing, um, because I didn't know what to expect. And, um, You know, I was honestly kind of nervous, but I was like, I cannot be scared for her.
I have to be strong for her. And, uh, I was there for the whole thing. It was most of the day. And I, you know, got to a pushing part. And what, like, was just amazed by how like amazing it was and how strong women are. And I was just like, blown away that it was not scary. There was not like screaming. And I just remember just being in awe and I could like, couldn't stop thinking about it for like the next week.
And, um, I got married like shortly after that. And, uh, a couple months later found out I was pregnant. And I said, you know, I want that kind of experience. Like, I don't want the TV experience where it's like scary. So I started researching and learning all the things, and I, you know, learned about like, midwifery and like home births.
And I was like, oh, you know, this sounds cool. Like, I wanna have my baby in the water. Like, um, I, I've always wanted to be a mermaid, so you know, I wanna have my baby in the water. And, you know, family was like very scared and mm-hmm. They said, you know, that's how you die. That's how your baby dies. Like, that's, that's not smart.
And I was like, oh, okay. And um, so I was like, okay, well I'll just have like a natural birth in the hospital and it sounds great. But there was so much more preparation that needed to happen to get to that point that I had no idea. Mm-hmm. Um, and I didn't really like, understand that kind of the odds were stacked against me, um, yet.
And so, um, I ended up, you know, being induced and I, you know, had all these interventions that happened and I didn't have a, you know, like what people would normally think is a traumatic birth. I mean, I can't, I was healthy, my daughter was healthy. Like, that's what mattered. Right. And so when anyone looked at it, they're like, that wasn't trauma.
Like, that's not traumatizing, but it, it still was. Mm-hmm. And I left there saying my experience could have been so much better. And I, you know, learned about what a doula was, and I was like, I needed that. With my daughter and I, you know, I wanna know everything I can. I'm not gonna be the least educated person in the room next time.
And so that's when I just really like dove into everything about birth. And, um, I attended birth for other family members and friends and, um, I wasn't really like an official doula, but you know, I was the one everyone came to cuz I had done all the research and I knew all the things. So if they had a question, they came to me.
I have like Instagram dms from friends and, um, people that I haven't talked to in years that they're like, Hey, I know you know about this and so can you like, give me your opinion or can you tell me what you know, or whatever. And um, so I was kind of functioning as the doula for people and not even officially.
And then I had my son and. Um, really felt like I really wanna do birth work. Like I love it. I'm passionate about it. It excites me. I love talking to people about it. I love when people ask me questions like it's not, you know, like annoying. And I love sharing what I know and that I like, have done this research and that people trust me.
And so I was like, I really wanna do this, but I didn't want it to just be, you know, a pregnancy high or a newborn high or something. So I gave it time and then, you know, doors started opening up. God started like really laying it on my heart. And, um, I had looked at multiple different doula trainings and.
None of them really felt like the one. And so that really like hindered me. But then the doula training that I ended up taking it really like, I was like, this is it. Like this is what, this is what I've been waiting for. And it, it was just, there was no question. And I signed up the last day of like, it was open and I was like, yeah, this is it.
Mm-hmm. So, um, and it hasn't really been a question since, and I haven't really like, lost any leg of that passion, um, since then. So, yeah. That's amazing. And the doula training program, the name was, uh, the birth worker Academy. Mm-hmm. Or mm-hmm. The Autonomy Mommy Academy. Um, With Kylie. Yeah. And that's how we actually connect it.
Yes. It's, I love it. I mean, I love everything she puts out there. It's like based on bodily autonomy and just all the amazing things that we should already have kind of built into us. But yes, unfortunately society has taken out of us. Um, so yeah, I love it. I love everything about that. That's amazing.
She's part of the reason that I even, you know, was prepared for my son's birth cuz I had, you know, done little like workshops she had done like during my pregnancy with him and, you know, with the twists and turns that of my son's birth. She really played like a, a huge role in that. So when she opened the doula training program, I was like, yes, cuz this is what like I needed when I was pregnant and I want, like, I wanna be influenced by her because she was so instrumental for me.
So, yeah. And I feel that way too. I wish I would've had. Her trainings and knowledge before I had any kids, before I even started having kids because I feel like that's the way it should be. We should be in charge of the decisions made in our birth and not just handing it over to this doctor. We've seen a handful of times for five minutes each time.
So yeah, I feel like she is a world changer. Yes. Especially cuz even in those few minutes they go to someone else directly afterwards. So even if they do get to know your heart, which with my daughter's birth, I love my ob. I, I felt very supported by him and I asked lots of questions, but in the end, he was not the OB on call at the hospital that I was at.
So I don't even know if he would've followed through with anything we had talked about, but I didn't get the chance to find out so. Mm-hmm. Like. You know, you don't know if they're like hearing you, if they care about what you really want or your goals or anything, or if they even retain it because they're talking to so many other people, like they can't really just like look at you and your experience and then they move on to another birth and it's kind of like they can just move on and not really care how your experience went.
So. Exactly. Unfortunately, unfortunately. So then obviously with your son, you had planned a home birth, right? Yes. Okay. So how did that come about? So, um, I really, how I even ended up planning for a home birth is like the experience with my daughter. Um, because like I said, like I thought I was like so prepared and I knew all the things I wanted.
But I was not prepared. Um, and there was just so much more preparation that has to take place than just reading the right books and knowing the right things. Um, there's mental preparation, there's physical preparation, there's conversations you have to have with your provider. Just so many other things that I was just not really prepared for.
Um, even talking to my birth team that like came with me to the hospital and then, you know, the fact that kind of the nurses have their own biases and their own plan and schedules and everything, so, and then each nurse is different and then they have schedule. It's just so much more preparation than I was expecting.
Mm-hmm. And so my water broke before I even went to the hospital. I was not feeling contractions at this point, so I didn't even know if my water had broken. I actually thought I had like, peed the bed. Mm-hmm. And so I, you know, went, I didn't take a shower, I didn't like just, you know, eat breakfast. I was, I was so excited.
I was like, oh, this is it. Like this is time. And so I went to the hospital and um, of course I was immediately put on Pitocin, um, because if I didn't get my baby out within 24 hours, you know, it was gonna be detrimental to her life. And so I was like, oh, okay, yeah, let's, let's do Pitocin. I know like this is an emergency.
And so, um, and then I made it 14 hours laying in bed with Pitocin. I, you know, tried, you know, the birthing ball cuz I was like, you know, people talk about this helps and. By that point, there was, there was no help. Um, the contractions were just so intense. Um, and Pitocin contractions are way different than like, natural contractions.
Um, and I know from the, from experience. Mm-hmm. But, um, I made it 14 hours laying in bed, barely getting up, um, and was not encouraged to move around or anything. And I got really in my head, and so I had had a cervical check at some point, and I don't remember. And I, my cervix was supposedly too far back and I had never had a cervical check before.
It was my first one. And so I didn't know, like, first of all, how painful it was going to be in the first place. And then the nurse without warning, Yanked my cervix from the back to the front, supposedly. What? And I screamed. And even like, the scream was like, like hearing my own scream. Like, cuz I had no control over, it just came out like, scared me.
And it wa it felt like, so I like, that was just taken from me. Like, and then all she did was pat my leg and said, I know, I know. I'm sorry. Yeah. I had to do it and I was like, oh my gosh, no warning or nothing. Like I understand if you have to do it at this point, but like, no warning. And then, um, so, and fast forward I am like, I need to see.
What progress am I making? Mm-hmm. And um, they checked and I was only at a five and they said, you still have a long way to go. And I was like, oh my gosh. And I'm already like crying. I'm getting stressed. So then I'm thinking about like, if I get too stressed out, then what if I have a end up with a C-section?
So I'd rather have an epidural than a C-section. Mm-hmm. So I ended up with an epidural. Another thing I was fighting so hard against, like, it was not even a question. Um, I did not want it. And here I am feeling like, okay, well it's either an epidural or an emergency. And so I ended up with an epidural. I like was able to like fall asleep and I took a nap, woke.
And I felt the baby. And I was like, I know I'm pushing. I don't know how because I can't really feel anything. Yeah. But she's in between my legs and I know she is. So I pushed for about 20 minutes before the OB looked at the nurse and said, if she doesn't get the baby out with the next push, I'm gonna cut.
And again, I don't even know what she meant by that, if she was threatening C-section or a episiotomy, but I was like, oh no, you're not. And I, I don't know if it came outta my mouth or if it was just in my head, but I distinctly remember thinking, oh no, you will not. And I pushed her out with the next push.
Wow. Because there was no way she was gonna cut me. Mm-hmm. Um, and so, I, again, like I had her very quick. I didn't push for too long. She was healthy. We breastfed fine. Healing was okay. I mean, it was just really hard. But, um, it was, again, not like one of our lives were in danger or something. It was just, I felt like all of my power over my own body was taken from me multiple times.
And I was like, I am not having my baby in the hospital again. Like mm-hmm. It is not happening. And I understand. Not everyone can say that, but I was like, for me, I will not have another baby in the hospital if I can help it. Right? And so that's when I started researching everything I could about home birth, and even just making it not an option.
To have a hospital birth. It, it just became like, okay, what all can I learn? Not a pros and cons, it was just like, what can I learn to prepare for this? So, um, I had so much of like my own power back from the beginning because I was making decisions about who was my provider, like who is gonna be my birth team, um, who's gonna be in the room with me?
And those are decisions you don't get from an OB environment because you don't get to know them. I even remember I wanted to interview a midwife that worked at, um, uh, OB office in our, the town we were in at that time, and they said, we don't do interviews. And I was like, but why not? Like, what if I, what if we don't vibe well?
Like mm-hmm. And. They, they were like, no, you just come in if you want to, and then you just find someone else if you, and I was like, well, I'm not doing that. So that like really killed like any kind of like that kind of midwifery. Mm-hmm. So, um, I started interviewing midwives and even that was it ma gave me so much peace knowing like, I have control over this.
Yeah. And I get to have a relationship with this person and they see me for more than five minutes at a time. And it's not all about like procedure and, you know, like, Okay, you're fine. You're, you know, your P'S fine. Like you're good. Like, see you later. Yeah. And, um, then, you know, the interviewing of a doula and picking who was gonna be like my birth best friend and, you know, join my family in this amazing experience that I wanted to be an experience and not just, you know, 10 minutes of someone's day at a hospital.
Right. So there was just so much freedom even then. And I also, I was able to prepare for things that could happen, but, and I was hoping they wouldn't. Mm-hmm. But I knew that I was starting off from a place where I'm going to feel like supported and loved and cared for by the people that are gonna be with me during this time.
And so I was also able to, Understand that like birth is not an emergency unless it is. Mm-hmm. And so like I can have a baby at home and it's fine if something happens, the hospital is there and like it is there if I need it. And it's not like anything else that happens, like you don't plan to get hurt in any other way.
Mm-hmm. And if you do the hospital's there, yes. You don't plan to have a life-threatening illness, but the hospital's there if you need it. Yeah. So just wrapping my mind around that, I was like, you know, like home birth is going to be the best for me so that I can, you know, really avoid all interventions unless it comes to a true emergency where I need it.
Right. So, um, that's how I just came to like having a home birth and why that is why I needed that with my son. I love that. And so let's fast forward to labor. Like how did that start and how was that process for you? Um, so I woke up one morning and I, I, my labor didn't naturally start with my daughter, so I still kind of had no id, I mean, it was like I was having my first kid and so I was like, I think that I'm having contractions and I, it was like, okay, if I start having contractions, I'm just to go back to sleep and I could not go back to sleep.
And I honestly don't know if it was because of the contractions or because I was excited, but I could not go back to sleep. Mm-hmm. And I could tell that it was a rhythm. And so I was like, okay, this is, this is it. Um, I had had Braxton Hicks in the like earlier. But I could tell that this was like, okay, these have like timing to them.
I can like track these so this, this is happening. And so I, you know, let everyone know. And we went through the day just trying to, like, we cleaned the house, like my sisters came over, my mom came over, um, my doula came and visited with me a little bit just to like, take me on a walk and let's talk and drink some, some labor tea.
And um, I think she gave me some kind of date bread or something, some kind of snack. I think it was date bread. Um, I know it was so good and I like look for it after I had my son and I was like, where is that bread? I want some more. But, um, I think I had eaten it all and just not even realized it. Mm-hmm.
But, It, you know, never picked up, it never really progressed very far. But then that night I took, I went to take a shower and every time I lifted my hands, I would start having a super, like, strong contraction. And I was like, whew, okay. You know, stuff's happening. And so my shower that I was just supposed to be getting cleaned up, ended up being like two hours long.
I was supposed to be watching movies with my sisters and my best friend, and it didn't happen because I was in the shower. And, um, so I finally, you know, got outta the shower, made it to the couch. We were gonna, we settled in for another movie night, just kind of being on baby watch. And at some point I like lost my glasses and that's how I knew it was like, really serious because my glasses were off and I didn't really care about my phone anymore.
Mm-hmm. And I was just, you know, telling my best friend, like, Okay, I need you to track contractions because I can't anymore. Like I am going to try to sleep. And this is when it started where I would actually like sleep through contraction or sleep in between contractions. Mm-hmm. And then wake up, have one go back to sleep.
And so my doula showed up in the middle of the night. The times were like a blur at this point. Um, I had to ask other people like, okay, what time did this happen? What time did that happen? Yeah. Just so that I can put it down on paper just cause I like those kind of details. No, I love that. I'm very, I love details for myself.
I know not everyone does, but so I wrote down times, but um, I. Woke up the next, well, I was having contraction through the night and my doula came and sat with me so that I could kind of rest and relax. Cuz I kind of started getting in that like, what if I don't call my midwife in time? She lives an hour away.
Like what if she doesn't make it? Like all those things were going there and she really like calm me down and was like, you rest and I will like, I will try to help you decide when it comes time for that. And it got to a point where they were coming so frequently that she wa she did start like contacting my midwife for me and so that I wasn't having to like think about it and I was able to really focus on labor, which I think that is the most amazing part about having a doula is that a mom can just not have to think logically and can just focus on labor and even ask someone who like, I've already like learned all the things and I already know all the things.
I know the positions I can try, I like know all the stuff. Having someone there that's like, you don't think you focus on your baby, you focus on like your body. And I will focus on like logically like, okay, maybe you should try this position or whatever. Or maybe we need to walk a little bit and help things progress or whatever.
Yeah. So, um, that was a, I was able to kind of just breathe and have peace in that. And so again, things are kind of like a blur cuz you get in labor land and you just like nothing about anything. And we came to. You know, I've started getting in my head and I'm like, I can't do this. I'm exhausted. How am I gonna push?
I haven't really slept since the morning before. And I was like, I can't do this. My midwife is there and, um, she, you know, she said she was gonna, she check and see where I was at, and if I like, wasn't a six, then she was gonna go ahead and leave and then come back. Well, I was a five and I, I knew I did not want cex because I didn't wanna be discouraged.
Mm-hmm. And I, I still like, ended up with one and even though I was like, I really don't want this. And I, you know, cave, which again, next time I know, I'm like, you learn something new every time. Oh yeah. And so next time I'm gonna be like, Nope, not happening at all. Um, because she said five and immediately I was like, oh my gosh.
Like really? I thought I was like almost done. And. She didn't leave though. So I had that in my head. I'm like, well, why didn't she leave? Because she said if I wasn't a six yet, she was leaving. Mm-hmm. But she was still there. So that still was like, in my mind, like maybe something is happening that I don't know.
And um, I went to the bathroom and to hide from everyone, just cuz I was like, they're making me work and I'm tired and I wanna rest. So I went on the toilet. I was like, listen, I need, I need some time. So, meantime, and I, um, came out and my doula was like, Hey, if you wanna have the baby like you, you gotta start moving.
Okay. Like, I know you're. But we're gonna get this baby out and you can do this. And I was like, oh my gosh. And I got so mad at her and I started crying and I still apologize to her to this day, but I was so mad and I was like, no, I want to sleep. Which I couldn't have slept anyway. The contractions would not have let me cuz it was so close.
Um, and you know, my doula knew that, my midwife knew that, but I was like, so in my head I was like, I cannot like be close. And she encouraged me and my husband to slow dance. And, um, we walked up and down the hall and I. Ended up like leaning over my ball and I, I was just crying and crying and I was like, I can't do this.
I'm so tired. And my husband came and talked to me and he was like, you can do this. I love you. And words of affirmation is my love language. Mm-hmm. And I was like, yes, give it to me. Like, keep talking. I love it. Yes. And, um, I, I also did like Christian Hypnobirthing, um, and like listened to that throughout my pregnancy and like was listening to it during labor and I really feel like when I just was like, okay, I can do this.
This is what I prepared for, started getting out of my head and like, like going back to this, like, I've prepared for this. I have control of this. It really like released me to just trust my body, trust how God made me. And I remember like rele kind of like releasing the tension in my stomach. I know like that's like a really random thing because a contraction is tension in your stomach.
And I just remember relaxing and even just in my stomach just relaxing. And I had the strongest contraction where I like out loud beta sound. And everyone was like, yes. Like we need 10 more of those. And I said, no, we do not. I was said, no, we don't. And um, so I, again, I went to the bathroom and I came out and I immediately went on to all fours and it was like a switch was flipped that I had no control over what was happening anymore.
I was pushing, I like. Like this was happening, the baby was coming, and I, um, had people like shuffling behind me and I didn't know why. And my midwife was like, uh, did you just pee your pants? And I was like, no, I don't think so. And she said, okay, I think your water just broke. And so she ended up like, encouraging me to move to the bed.
Um, which again, with the next baby, I will definitely have my baby wherever I end up. Mm-hmm. But I did end up like, on the bed and like leaning over onto my, my doula, like leaning back on her and like, like she was just comforting me and like rubbing my forehead, which I loved. It was like such a great moment.
And I told, I remember telling her and my husband, I was like, I cannot do this. Like, I was just at five. Like, I like, what about cervical lip? What if I ripped my cervix? Like, what, what if like, I'm not ready to push. And they're like, if your body is pushing, it's time to push. Like, it's okay. Lift your body.
And I, I didn't really have any control like I did, but like my, it was my own, my body's control. Like it wasn't my head, my dad head didn't have to do anything. It knew what it was. My body didn't know what it was doing. So I, um, I pushed and I, you know, felt myself, which was, I was so excited for like, to feel my own baby, kind of in between, like in my stomach and in the world.
And so I felt for his head, which I didn't know it was a hym at this point. I, we were surprised about the gender. And so I like felt, and I. I felt my waters and I was like, oh, my waters are still there. And they're like, well, if you want to, you can push on 'em. And I did. And so that was another thing that was like so cool to like, cuz we knew my water had already broken so he wasn't gonna be like, born in the, in the sack.
So I was like, okay. And so I, you know, pushed on it and I felt that release of like the rest of the waters breaking and that I again, had control over that and I did it myself and it was such an amazing experience and, um, I really wanted to catch him, but I like tense up my hands when I get like, like in pain.
And so my husband actually had to like force my hand down to like grab my baby. And so I, you know, pulled him up on me and. I was just like so happy. I was like, oh my gosh, I did it. Like mm-hmm. I had my baby at home. Like it's done. Like this is what I've prepared for and I've wanted and desired. And you know, we had the amazing moment of like, well, what is it?
Like, what's the baby? And I got to look and say it's a boy, and you know, everyone's crying. And it was just such an amazing experience. And, um, it was totally redeeming like from like my previous experience of like feeling so much been taken from me and then having this experience where I had control over so much stuff and I had my baby and I delivered my baby.
And so having that power and I just felt it all in that moment of like, like relief of like, I did it. And so, The next like few minutes were like to, I was totally focused on him. Mm-hmm. I was like, I'm ready to breastfeed. Like my daughter's there and she watched the whole thing happen. Oh, beautiful. And yeah, it was perfect.
Um, and that was a whole other, like, preparation I had to do was like making sure that she was like prepared for that. Um, she was four, she had just turned four. Um, and so just preparing her was a whole other process. But I also, you know, allowed her to like, if she didn't wanna be there, if she got scared, like she can leave at any time.
Like I don't want her to be traumatized by this. Um, but if she wants to be there, like I want her to have this experience and I want her to like know, like that birth is beautiful. And even setting that groundwork for her now, like, As a little girl that one day you're going to have this experience and it can be like beautiful and not scary.
So I love that. Yeah, so we were just like laying in bed and enjoying being a family of four, and it was such a dreamy experience to just be there together. Like I, I still like, in my memories it was like, so, I mean, you're on a birth high already, but just laying there on my own bed with my husband and my daughter and like our new baby and just like the view of like, all these people that I love, like they're with me.
So it was totally, absolutely what I wanted it to be. And. I mean, you can't plan every little thing, but if I could say like, the perfect, like labor and delivery, like that would be it for me. Mm-hmm. It sounds dreamy. I it was so dreamy. I love it. And then, so after, you know, you guys were in this high and all just like getting to know each other, meeting this new little bean in person.
And, uh, so how was that, like, how was it after? Did it last a while? Did you guys just lay in bed for a while or, um, so timing gets really, really difficult, even more than it was before. Um, because I, so I wanted to, my place to deliver naturally. I didn't want any rush on like clamping or cutting the cord.
And, um, my midwife knew that, so I was really like, Like put off when she was like, okay, it's time to time to cut the cord, dad, come on. And I was like, what? Well, I don't want to yet, like my placenta hasn't delivered yet. Like, I wanna like deliver placenta naturally, like, you know. And um, she was like, well we, we kind of can't do that, um, cuz you're bleeding a little bit.
And I was like, oh, okay. And so, um, you know, she started like trying to control that and it's kind of when I started like going out of it a little bit and like, I kind of felt like really off and kind of dizzy. Um, but still I was like, with my baby, with my daughter, like, we're good. Like my kids are my whole world.
So I'm like, I'm good. Like I, and I was like, whatever she has to do, like he's here. I, I've had everything that I wanted. Like she can do it. I trust her. I, this is why I hired her. So I trust whatever like she needs to do. And, um, so, which this is totally off like track kind of, but another different, like huge difference between like the OB experience and a midwife experience was I still have like my midwife giving me all these affirmations like, of like, you did amazing.
I can't believe you just did that. You like, you have this baby and you have a huge baby. And cuz he ended up being 10 pounds, two ounces. Sure. And she was like, you didn't tear at all. Like, you, you look amazing. Like, just all these affirmations and like with my daughter, I didn't get any of that. And so like, again, it's my love language.
So. Maybe that may not matter to other people, but to know that the midwife I chose, like wanted me to succeed and wanted me to have the, the birth that I wanted was like, it was amazing. Another amazing aspect of this. And so she, I found out that she like, got the bleeding under control that time. And, um, we like laid in bed for a little bit longer like he was nursing.
And, um, me and him were gonna get in the pool because I was gonna have him in the pool. And w when I got on bed, on the bed, um, she told the assistant, she was like, she's not having this baby in the pool. Like, the baby's coming now. Like there's no point in even finishing filling up the pool because that baby's coming.
And so instead we just filled up the pool for like a sits bath afterwards. Oh, perfect. And so we went to get in it, and again, it was kind of like hazy. I was like, what is going on? Why am I like, not able to really focus my mind? And um, they were holding, his name's Joshua. So they were holding Joshua and kind of walking around the room with him.
My midwife like bathed him in front of me, like in between my legs and I could, I had all these thoughts in my head and I could not get them to come outta my mouth. So I was like, why can't I hold my baby? Why am I not bathing my baby? And then she got him out. They dried him off and gave him my husband.
And I'm like, why? Why did I not get him? Like, and then they started asking questions about like, Hey, what would you like us to put like on him? Like what clothes, what do you want his first outfit to be? And again, in my head I was like, why are they asking me this? I don't want him dressed like I don't want a diaper on him, but they were trying to get me to kind of like snap out of it.
Mm-hmm. Cause I was starting to get like, really, you know, not there. And I was like, I, I don't feel good. And they're like, okay, well let's try to get you out. And I stood up and I went to get out and I ended up on the floor and I ended up, you. Like having a hemorrhage, that was pretty intense. Um, they were having a hard time getting it under control and they ended up, they did have to call like nine one one and have an ambulance come.
Um, however, my midwife had gotten the bleeding under control, like before then she did have to manually stop the bleeding, which, you know, it's not comfortable. Mm-hmm. It was pretty, pretty intense and, um, I, I, I could remember a lot of the pain and a lot of the like, scare how scary it was, but you know, Even like my husband and my best friend were there, like, come on, you gotta think about your kids.
Like, stay with us. Come on. And I was like, what? I'm dying. Like I don't, oh shoot, I don't feel like I'm dying. So then I'm in my head like, oh my gosh, I'm dying and I don't even know that this is happening. And which it really like, I was fine. And you know, my midwife knew that and she had it under control.
But again, in my head I did not know what was going on and I couldn't like, rationalize like what was going on. Um, however, I had planned for something like this to happen and that was like part of my birth plan. I had thought about it. I prepared for it. I didn't think it was actually gonna happen, but it did.
And so even when, um, Someone asked like, is the baby going on the ambulance and or going to the hospital with you? And, um, they like, looked at me and I was like, I, I don't know. And I looked at my midwife and she said, I would not do that. If you are comfortable leaving at him at home, I would leave him at home because he was fine.
There was nothing wrong with him at all. And so there was really no reason for him to go. And I was totally okay with that. I actually had been collecting colostrum for weeks before. Um, and so they had colostrum to like feed to him. Um, while I was at the hospital. It was already in syringes. Like, oh, okay, I've done all the work.
And so I was like, that's fine. Like I'm okay with that. He's gonna be with his big sister. He knows her voice. Like he's heard it his whole life in my belly. He's gonna be with my mom, with my doula, with my birth photographer, who is also a doula. Mm-hmm. And again, you have like this close relationship with these people.
You know them very like intimately. So I was like, I trust him to be here. I'm going to go, they're gonna check me out. And then I'm coming back home, like, and so, you know, my midwife got the bleeding stopped. I did end up going to the hospital. They checked everything out. There was no like damage physically.
Um, the bleeding had stopped at this point. I, um, didn't have to have a transfusion. I was one point off from a transfusion and I was like, Nope, I'm going home. Like mm-hmm. They were like, we can keep you overnight. And I was like, no, I'm gonna go home. I'm gonna go be with my baby. Like, I'll be okay. Mm-hmm.
And so, yeah, I ended up going home and I. Was kind of on watch by my family and friends for a few months. They were, you know, worried about, you know, when it hit me. But even now I can talk about it and it is not like trauma to me. Like it was really insane and I should have been, you know, really, you know, triggered by it.
But I think that because I had such an empowering like birth experience, that what happened afterwards, like I said, we used the hospital for what it was needed for. Mm-hmm. Like I had my baby at home, he was fine, he was healthy. Something happened and I ended up gonna the hospital. But even in that, like they didn't really even have to do anything.
They just made sure I was okay and if I had needed something, they were there. Right. And so, Again, it was so like redemptive because of the past experience I had. And then this one where like I trusted my body. I trusted God and I trusted my family. I relied on my husband. I was able to lean on him. It was just so, so, so amazing.
And so I think that that really came into like where I was mentally. Okay. Mm-hmm. And I, you know, I talked about it, I processed it with multiple people and we worked on it, but I could hear like whispers of like, you really need to make sure she's okay. Like you really need to watch her and make sure that this doesn't, like, hit her really hard.
Mm-hmm. And, and I would be lying if I said it didn't like affect me bonding with my son. Um, there was. Like, I was so sad that I like missed my daughter holding him for the first time, the first time he opened his eyes, um, like the first sleepy smile that he had. Like, I missed those things. And so that was really hard.
But you know, it was kind of like, um, like I grieved it and I sat with it and I was okay. I was like okay with it because mm-hmm. Again, I had prepared for it and I had done the work that I needed to do to be ready for something like that. And so like knowing I was like, I was ready in case something like this happened, but I still had the birth that I wanted.
Like that was what mattered to me. Oh my gosh. That's so amazing. And I think that it's super important that you did that work beforehand because you planned for all these different situations and I think we all should like plan for the worst case scenario. But it doesn't necessarily mean it's gonna happen, but at least if it does, you have that plan in place and you're not at the last second trying to scramble and think of a logical reason or, um, the best way that you would want to do that.
So, oh my gosh. Kudos to you for doing all that work. Like, that was so amazing. And like throughout this whole process, how did your husband support you? Like I'm sure that was a little scary for him to see too. He did amazingly, which he was the only one that people were like, okay, he is probably never gonna let you have kids again.
Um, but he, he is the most supportive person in my life. And, um, even when he, like, I mean, he does disagree. We do disagree on things, but even still, he, he trusts me and. Like knows that the decision that I'm making are like that. There's a reason and it's not for nothing. So he is very supportive of me. And I think also we were able to process it together and I was able to kinda like, talk to him and be like, okay, so how are you doing?
And, um, just making sure that he was in an okay place. And, um, you know, I, I think that it did, like, again, it came in between him and our son bonding. Mm-hmm. A little bit. Um, just full transparency. It was really like, it was difficult on a relational level, um, for both of us. And I think that, Once it, we like, were able to process it and kind of get through it, then that really, it helps so much because we are a very close family.
We do everything together. And his relationship with our son now is even closer than he was with our daughter mm-hmm. When she was his age. So like, once we like work through it, it was, it was like so much better. Um, but he did respond really well. Um, which he could have things could have been like a lot worse, like for him mentally, um, to watch it happen.
But again, I think that the support we had all around is really what helped both of us to get through. Yeah. And I think that's great that you also, you know, talked to him and were like transparent about his feelings because I feel like a lot of times we forget about the dad and the dad, the focus is on us as the pregnant woman.
Mm-hmm. And, but it's like there's this other person who helped us create this life. Like their role is so important sometimes. Like the most important role. Yeah. You know, next to us. So I think that's beautiful. So is there anything that you feel like, like the best piece of advice you would give someone?
Like planning a home birth? Yes. I wholeheartedly support making a birth plan and like, don't think that it's not insignificant and that. I'm like, oh, I don't have to plan for that. Like, just because you plan for something does not mean it's gonna happen, but when it does happen, like you will have hoped you or like wish you had planned for it.
Mm-hmm. Go ahead and make that birth plan. It doesn't mean that anything bad's gonna happen and it doesn't mean you're gonna be like totally disappointed and crushed if it doesn't go that way, like the way that you want it. But just having these goals, what it'll be like, so instrumental to like how everything goes because when, I mean, you don't even know what could happen specifically to you.
Like I did not, uh, hemorrhaging is not really what I thought was gonna happen to me. I thought if anything it was gonna be like, you know, failure to progress or something like that was kind of on the lower of the list that I would think would happen to me. But it did happen and I. But I prepared for it.
And I planned for it. And when it did happen, I would not have been able to think about like the decisions that I needed to make. Um, I was luckily able to say like, no, I want my son to stay here. Which is something I, I thought in the case of a hospital transfer, we both would've gone, or like, I would still be like pregnant or some, something like that.
And so I was not even like really thinking about the fact that one of us could go and the other one could stay home. But I felt safest with him at home. Like I was way more comfortable with that than if he had gone to the hospital with me. Mm-hmm. And so, and I know not everyone probably feels that way.
I'm sure that there are some people who would absolutely take the baby with him and that's, you know, that's their experience. But for me, I was way more comfortable with him having him at home with people that I trusted and, you know, Um, cuz things can always happen. Um, and just make like limiting the ways that something could happen is very important.
Yes. But again, I couldn't have made that decision like otherwise because I have huge chunks of my memory. I just gone like I did, I was awake, I was kind of conscious, my eyes were open, I was talking and I have no idea like what I said, what other people said to me. I met nurses in the hospital that like, they'd come in the room like a second and third time and I was like, who's that?
And they were like, that's the nurse you were just talking to. And I was like, oh, okay. I think that one of the nurses even brought me like cookies at some point or like crackers or something. And I did not even remember asking for them, but I had specifically asked for them and Wow. I was not in the place to make a decision like that.
So knowing that I'd already made like all the decisions in the fir the first place, I think that also is what helped me have peace with what happened. Wow. Yes, definitely. I also, I think that like being educated is super powerful and even if you fully trust your midwife, you fully trust your ob nurses, medicine, whatever, wherever you are in your walk, I think it is very important to still be educated and to know like what you want and make the decisions for yourself.
Um, of course there'll be things that happen and you won't be able to, someone else will have to make the decision, but I think that we should not hand over our power to anybody like we like. We should trust our instincts and trust our own body. And, um, we shouldn't have to just like, give everything to someone else to be like, okay, whatever you want.
That's what we're gonna do. Because these people are not, like I said before, they're not gonna live with your birth experience like you are. You're gonna live with it for the rest of your life. They're gonna leave and go to someone else's birth or, you know, my midwife like went, like was out of football or baseball game or something right before like my birth.
So that's what she was thinking about. I'm sure like after she left me, um, which again, I love my midwife, but she has her own life. Like my birth was only a very small portion of her life and all the other moms that she serves. So the decisions that I make and that I like allow to happen aren't really on her.
As much as they are on me in the rest of my life, in the rest of my kids' life. And so they don't really have to live with it as much as I do. So, um, exactly, and, and you still have to put in work, even if you're having a home birth, you, you, there's still preparation and planning and education you have to do.
So, um, I would definitely still just put in the work. Mm-hmm. And prepare as much as you can prepare for everything. Um, parenting begins as soon as you get pregnant and, oh yeah. So definitely. And is there anything that you would suggest for like, preparing a partner for like a home birth? Definitely know their love language.
Mm-hmm. Because, you know, oxytocin is the most important hormone in, in labor and delivery and like multiple other things, but like, specifically like, They can progress so much faster if they feel loved and supported. Mm-hmm. So knowing their love language, knowing how to support them, like the best way.
Like that's important. And even if your love language is something totally different, like you still need to know what their love language is and kind of put yours aside and serve them. Mm-hmm. Because they are not like focused on loving you at that moment. Like you need to be focused on loving them. And like I said, my husband, like I was in my head and crying and just him, you know, using my love language and giving me words of affirmation that I think that that played a huge role in like the progression of how fast my labor went after that.
Because, well, first of all, crying. Super beneficial to, to labor, but then just feeling that love and like, okay, he believes in me and he loves me and I'm not doing this alone. And you know, labor doesn't have to be just the mom. Like the dad can have an active part in that. And so just, um, loving her the way she needs to be loved and to feel love.
And then make sure you know what their birth plan is because you know, if you're like, oh, well she's making the plan and just leave it all to her, then when you have questions like labor and delivery and when you're transferring to a hospital, those are not the times to be having those discussions. No, you need to have them beforehand.
Um, the last thing that y'all need to do is disagree when it comes down to it. Um, yeah, or if you are going to disagree, it needs to have started like, When y'all are pregnant and preparing for a home birth. Exactly. Um, and then know what their expectations are, and then voice your own expectations of like how active you wanna be and like everything, and like your role.
And because if you're expecting to be super involved and they don't want you to touch them at all, then you need to know that. And then if you don't expect to be involved at all, and then they want you to be like right there the whole time, like, I mean, those, those types of things can really have an effect on labor and how it progresses and everything.
So yeah, and the mentality, the mental part of it, and then how y'all process it afterwards too. Oh yeah. I think that's really important too. Talk about it afterwards. Yes, we do all the preparation before, but there also has to be some type for postpartum. Yes. So if there was anything you would like, have a redo on, like is there anything in preparing or during your birth, uh, experience that, like if you had a redo, you would do differently?
I'm gonna say no. I would not redo it because I think everything like went the way it needed to go. And you know, like I said, I am okay with the experience. Like, like I can sit with it. And like I said, I also had a dreamy like birth and labor and I loved it. And yes, everything afterwards was not the greatest, but I'm like okay with it and I'm able to sit with it and like it's closed like that It happened.
Will I do things differently the next time? Absolutely. There will be things that I, I will change. Like I already mentioned, I will not be doing cervical checks like during the whole thing because mentally I can't, I can't do it. I think it gets me in my head, which it's a whole other, you know, thing of like research on cervical checks and how effective they are and everything.
But mentally, I just, it just get, got me in my head and, um, I will not be doing them the next time. Mm-hmm. Um, and I will like, follow my body's lead. I had a lot of other, like, physical things happened after, um, in the following weeks. Um, and so I was in bed for. A lot of the time, um, in the following weeks.
And I wanted to, I wanted to have like the beautiful fourth trimester like experience. I didn't think I was gonna have to be forced into it, but, um, I, uh, ended up like I had mastitis twice. Mm-hmm. Um, my tailbone was fractured and I really think it had something to do with like, how I delivered because a lot of the pain that I was experiencing while pushing him out was in my butt.
And I was like, oh my gosh, my butt hurts so bad. And, um, so ideally I would just follow my body and let it, let it decide what position I pushed in. Mm-hmm. Um, instead of like allowing other voices to tell me like where I need it to be. Um, Because I really didn't care if my baby was born on the ground.
Like I, the floor was clean, we, we were ready for it. If I got blood on the floor, I didn't care. We could replace the carpet. Like, yeah, I, I really did not mind it. And so, um, it was just like once you're in that place, it's just like, unless you're able to completely tune it out and focus, then you're really easily like moved in that, at that stage of labor, so, oh yeah.
Um, so yeah, just making sure that everyone knew like, do not move me if I'm somewhere and I'm pushing. Let me push there. Yes. Um, I, and this is silly, but my midwife had the pool and, um, she. Was gonna bring it whenever she came. And so we didn't have it early on in labor and I wish I had had it sooner. So the next one I will be renting a pool.
I don't think that's silly at all. I was like, this is kind of insignificant, because I don't know if I would've ended up in it anyway, but I think I would have, cuz I took like two or three baths and it would've been way better if I had been like in the pool. Right. Um, and like had the whole submersion instead of like in this tiny bathtub.
But yeah, so I'll definitely be renting my own pool instead of just, you know, yeah, I'll just use the midwives, save some money. But yeah. No, that's great. I've so enjoyed listening to your story and this whole conversation, like your birth story, like gives me all the feels like I really felt like I was in your story.
So that was beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing that. Yeah, thank you for having me. Of course. I'm like honored. Oh gosh. Are you kidding? I am honored that you took the time outta your busy day to come and chat with me. Oh, I love it. Um, yeah, so if anybody would like to like get ahold of you, come into contact with you, what would be the best way to do that?
So I have Instagram Noble and Grace Hollow, and I have a website, no bun grace hollow.com and I'm also on Facebook and really I could be contacted anyway and I will get it. Um, My phone is kind of like my job, so, so I have it all the time. I can be contacted any, any of those ways. Um, and then I also have email, so Okay.
Really any way that works for anyone else. Awesome. And of course I will link all of that in the show notes for everybody to easily access you. Awesome. Awesome. All right, well thank you so much and I will talk to you soon. Okay. Thank you so much for having me. Of course. Bye. Bye.
