35. How fear could be holding you back from giving birth the way you want
Fear can be overwhelming and sometimes paralyzing, I get it. I’ve been there!
Here's an overview of this episode:
Why fear could be holding you back
How to get past your fears
Why getting past your fears is so important
I chat about a few ways that I pushed past fear to have my transformative VBA3C
🔥 You can do this, I believe in you! Get ready for next week’s episode where I give you realistic steps to blasting past fear to have the birth experience you’ve been dreaming of!
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Transcript:
My name is Petra. I am a birth doula, birth educator, placenta encapsulation specialist and mom to four crazy kids who I could not live without. Um, so today I want to talk about fear. Now fear can actually, it can go with anything in life. You know, it can relate to birth. It can relate to just anything that you want to do in this life that we have.
So I wanted to talk to you about how to overcome it. So here we go. I want to start with why fear can be holding us back. Now, there's many many reasons, so I'm just gonna go through a few of them that I actually went through when I was preparing for my vaginal birth after three Sarians. So this was a very against the It's the grain type of thing that I was doing and there was a lot of fear instilled into me from providers, from my family, from friends saying that I was going to die, my baby was going to die.
I was making a horrible decision. So of course that fear gets into your mind and then sometimes that's all you can see is that those fearful situations. So um, That's one of the reasons is you can just be envisioning all the fearful, horrible situations that could happen. Um, the fear of failure. So obviously you don't want to seem like a disappointment or an embarrassment or even gain a sense of inadequacy because you are a failure in your mind for whatever reason.
Um, the fear of being rejected. Now, how does that relate to birth? So fear of being rejected. By your doctor, by your family, or, you know, even being judged in a negative way, uh, because, you know, people pursuing their goals, especially if those goals involve seeking approval or recognition. Um. This could make a big deal.
Like people are expecting you to do a certain thing. And when you don't, they may reject you. So also there's the fear of uncertainty, obviously. Um, the unknown is super intimidating and I get it. I went through that, you know, I didn't know for sure if I was going to give birth vaginally or have to have another c section.
So fear of not knowing what might happen or how things will turn out can. Paralyze you. Um, so I totally get that. Um, also there's the fear of change, you know, cause there's so much change that could come from this and you don't know how it's going to change you, your personality, how you are. Um, cause it can do that.
It can definitely do that. It did that to me. It changed my mindset and I became this different person after I had my VBAC. So stepping out of your comfort zone. is so scary. I get it. Um, there's also the fear of criticism. So the fear of being criticized, ridiculed, or facing disapproval from others can obviously deter you from pursuing your dreams or desired birth, whatever that may look like.
And that can also be lumped together with, like, fear of rejection. Um, Also, surprisingly enough, fear of success. So some people fear success because it comes with higher expectations, increased like responsibilities and potential changes in your lifestyle, which, you know, it did. It changed a lot of those in my life.
Um, but I didn't really fear this success. I was well prepared. Welcoming it with open arms, but some people maybe feel feeling that way, you know, that fear of success is a real, real thing. Um, and I get it. I totally get that. Um, also past traumas or negative experiences. They can create fear of repeating, obviously, those experiences, making you hesitant to take that risk, whatever that risk may be, um, when it comes to your birth, obviously, if you've had a traumatic experience with previous births, if you've had a previous birth, then that can definitely roll over into this birth experience and anticipating or worrying about what is going to happen, um, because you don't want the same outcome.
And yes, that creeped into my mind sometimes. And you know, you just have to push that out. You have to deal with it head on because if you don't, it's going to sit there and it's going to stew and it's not going away. Um, so also if you have like low self esteem. Because that lack of self confidence can lead to self doubt and fear of not being capable or worthy of achieving your goal.
Um, so you really have to build your confidence up so that you can attain this goal, whatever that goal looks like for you. And perfectionism, like, I struggle with this hardcore. Um, striving for perfection can be paralyzing because, you know, you fear that you're not going to meet your own high standards.
And I definitely had that going for me. forward with my VBAC. I was so scared to not do every little thing perfectly because I didn't want to leave any stone unturned. Um, I wanted to do it exactly the way people said that would help you have a successful VBAC. So I just want to let you know, like, you don't have to be Perfect.
You don't have to do all the things, you know, just do what feels right to you. And also lack of support. If you don't have the support system or encouragement from others, you might be hesitating to pursue this desire, which I get that. It's hard, especially if you're going against the the grain or what is the norm?
Like this can be also paralyzing because you're like, well, I don't want to do this alone. And that's totally valid. Totally valid. Um, I felt this way because no doctor supported me. I only had like a handful of family members and friends that supported me through my VBAC. So, you know, and I don't feel like you need like a huge, huge community.
to get to whatever goal that you're trying to reach, but you need some type of community. Um, so Facebook groups, Instagram, um, wherever your people are, Google, whatever goal you're reaching for, whether it's VBAC, home birth, whatever it is, whatever it is, you're going to find your people. If you Google that, you know, overcoming these fears, it requires self awareness.
Being self compassionate and taking those proactive steps to build confidence and resilience. You know, some techniques that I use are like setting realistic goals, breaking tasks into smaller steps that really helps so that it doesn't feel like you're climbing a mountain. It just feels like you're taking a couple steps at a time and it doesn't feel so much like a mountain.
Obviously, seeking support and guidance. And really practicing mindfulness and using positive self talk, this can really help you confront and manage your fears so that you can move forward towards your goal and desire. Because if you're feeling called to, you know, accomplish this goal or desire, then It's necessary to take the steps towards it.
It doesn't have to be huge steps. Just take little baby steps one day at a time, you know, take five minutes on one day to work on whatever it is you want to focus on. Just five minutes per day. If you think about that, that's going to add up. Okay. You don't have to sit for two hours a day and, you know, try to figure out how to do this.
Just set a timer. For five minutes and think about this goal and you are going to reach it no matter what, because you're taking the steps towards it. Now, taking baby steps is so much better than taking no steps. Obviously, if you're taking no steps, you're not going to get anywhere. So just take little baby steps and you will get there.
I promise. Okay, whatever that goal may be. For me, the goal was VBAC. So I just took a little baby steps every single day and I literally started with five minutes a day five minutes of mindfulness Meditation yoga, whatever it was that I felt like I needed to do for the day. I started with literally five minutes And then I felt better, I felt better because I was working towards something.
I was working towards that goal of, you know, accomplishing my VBAC and here I am, I accomplished my VBAC and I really feel like I set myself up for success. So nobody's going to do the work for you. You have to do it. So I really invite you to write it down, write down everything that you think that you're going to need in order to succeed.
So if you're, and break it up, break it down smaller. If your goal is VBAC, then, you know, write down all the things that you feel like you'll need. to have that VBAC. So you don't want to, like, you have your ultimate goal, obviously, that big goal, but work backwards. What do I need to do? Okay, I need to find a supportive provider.
So there's one step. Set a timer for five, ten minutes, whatever it is, and um, Google your local ICANN group, which helps, helps you find like VBAC supportive providers. Boom. There you go. You just emailed somebody and they just emailed you back 10 providers that are in your area. Oh my gosh. There's one thing you knocked out of there.
Next. The next day you take that list of those 10 providers that the ICANN group leader gave you and you just start calling them. You call each one and then you can either set a timer or you can be done once you call all of those 10 providers. So once you call all those 10 providers, obviously then you can, you know, Determine whether you want to meet up with them or not, if they support VBAC.
And then once you do that, okay, boom, you're setting up an appointment. Okay. Next step, I'm going to go to this appointment and see if this provider is even VBAC supportive. Okay. So we're after the appointment and you make sure. Okay. Does my insurance cover this? No. Okay. What do I need to do in order to see this doctor?
Change insurances. Okay. There's a next step. So now you have to talk to your insurance place, you know, like every, there's little steps along the way that are going to add up to this big thing. So, you know, you started this on a Monday and now by Friday, you have a VBAC supportive provider. Okay. So, and it's not like you spent hours and hours.
You just took five to 10 minutes a day to work on each little step to get to this. Oh my gosh, now I have a VBAC supportive provider. Okay. And you started the week with nobody. So just think about it in that way. Okay. And it doesn't obviously necessarily have to be VBAC supportive, but, or I'm sorry, Okay.
It doesn't necessarily have to be like just about having a VBAC, like it could be with anything, even if it's you're not pregnant and you're not having a baby, you can do this for anything, how to get postpartum support, how to, um, get that job, how to, whatever it is, how to write a letter, write it, write a resume, whatever, whatever the case may be, you just have to stop, look at your big goal, and then work backwards on what little steps you need to take along the way in order to reach that big goal.
So create these small little attainable goals along the way. Okay. That is the best piece of advice that I could give you right now. Like that is super helpful. Okay. So I'm going to end right here. But if you want to dive deeper into this topic, go ahead and send me a DM on Instagram at birthincome true, or go ahead and drop a comment below.
And I would love to work with you through this because it's so helpful. That goal setting. I mean, it's transformational, literally transformational getting over that fear. Because it's like we hold this fear and this fear that's imagine it, it's, it's imagined in our mind, you know, and the fear that we're having, like this person over here would be like, I'll ask nothing.
But how did they get there? You know? They, they, they obviously worked out of that fear if they had the same fear before. So it's possible, it's possible to work out of those fears by taking these little steps along the way. All right. Anyways, I'm, I'm going to go, but I will see you in the next video. Bye.
Oh my gosh, I feel so honored that you took the time out of your busy day to listen to that episode. I really hope that you liked it or something resonated with you or you learned something new today. Make sure to hit subscribe so that you don't miss an episode. And if you'd like to connect with me, go ahead and go to the show notes and click the link.
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