34. Bri's Courageous Journey While Surviving Traumatic Births
Today's guest was Bri of Bd Smith Financial. This chat was so incredible, Bri really opened up about both of her traumatic births and it's eye-opening as to how the medical model treats women in labor or during their vaginal or c-section birth.
Bri is a knowledgeable CPA and Wealth Strategist who is committed to helping families reach financial freedom. Her passion for empowering parents to create generational wealth comes from her belief that everyone deserves to end poverty for their family tree.
Bri's expertise in wealth management and personal finance has inspired hardworking parents to create effective financial plans that build legacies, achieve
dream goals, and make a lasting impact on the world.
Her mission is to help millions of families become financially savvy and make money mastery a lifelong skill.
Overview of this episode:
Bri's experience with teen pregnancy
Her traumatic labor and birth experience as an Indian warrior (you'll understand when you listen to this episode 😜 )
Pushing past one trauma and experiencing a second traumatic birth
What Bri will do next time to have a better experience
Connect with Bri ⤵️
Instagram: @bri_dsmith
Facebook: @bdsmithfinancial
Email: Bri@bdsmithfinancial.com
Don't forget to subscribe to the Birth Junkie Podcast for more empowering conversations and insights on all things birth-related.
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Transcript:
Today I am joined by Brie. Brie is a knowledgeable CPA and wealth strategist who is committed to helping families reach financial freedom. Her passion for empowering parents to create generational wealth comes from her belief that everyone deserves to end poverty for their family tree. Bree has over five years of experience managing finances for high earning individuals who make multiple six and seven figures annually.
She holds a bachelor's degree in accounting and personal financial planning and has achieved significant success in real estate investments, including buying two homes and selling her first property for a six figure profit. That's amazing. Bree's expertise in wealth management and personal finance has inspired hardworking parents to create effective financial plans that build legacies, achieve dream goals, and make a lasting impact on the world.
Her mission is to help millions of families become financially savvy and make money mastery a lifelong skill. Okay. That is amazing. Like, I love everything about that. We all need that in our lives. You have accomplished so much. Oh my gosh. Good for you. I would, I can't wait to dive into your story. Thank you so much.
You're welcome. So I would love for us to start with, you know, well, obviously we're going to come around to everything that is your specialty, which is, you know, the wealth and all that good stuff. But I would love to dive into your first birth story because like me, you were a teen mom. So let's dive into that.
So when it came to my daughter, um, The pregnancy was for the most part great. I was just really craving some hot fries and Haagen Dazs ice cream and no one wanted to buy it for me. And so even after giving birth, I finally bought my own hot fries and Haagen Dazs ice cream. And I mean, I had no excuse. I was no longer pregnant, but I needed it.
I get it. But
I mean, um. I don't know. Like, do you want to know about the pregnant, anything else about the pregnancy or finding out I'm pregnant since I was 17 when I got, yeah, I would love to know, like, was everybody supportive, like, did you have a lot of backlash from family or friends? How was that journey? It was rough.
Um, I will say, um, my family did come around and support me wholeheartedly, Yeah, it wasn't. No one saw it coming, including me. And you know, even though I did what I did to create her, of course, but, um, it wasn't like I was a very active girl. It was like one time, and we use protection. And here's a baby.
That's all it takes. I'm like, so until this day, I still feel like he trapped me. I don't know. I just feel like he did. It was like, I took the precautions and I don't know. But you know, back then you're also thinking like all these friends of mine, they're out here having it a ton of times. I do it. And now I'm pregnant.
They're not pregnant. What happened Jesus? So, um, when I found out, I literally cried. Um, I just like, I broke down and cried in the bathroom stall with my best friend, Anna. Um, and it was just like one of the scariest moments of my life. Cause I was like, what the heck am I going to do? Like, I had a plan. I was about to go off to college in the next year.
Um, I was going out of state as far away from home as possible because I had been a mom my whole life. It seemed like, um, my mom had got a divorce and I became parent number two by default since I'm the oldest. And so, um, I'm the oldest of five total, but for my mom's household is four of us and I was just ready to run.
And then I got pregnant and it's like, you're going nowhere. Um, so I was like, crap, but I was like, I still have to make a great life for myself because this baby girl deserves it. And also a cool thing is when I got pregnant with her, well, once I found out I was pregnant, um, I also knew it was a girl.
Before anyone else told me before they did the song or anything, I told, um, the guy I was with at the time, I was like, it's going to be a girl and her name is going to be Monica Lacho. And he was like, no, it's going to be a boy and it's a junior. And I was just like, whatever, dude, I'm telling you, like, I'm not even entertaining this conversation with you to argue because I know it's going to be a girl.
And her name is going to be Monica LaShelle. And I have a girl and her name is Monica LaShelle. So I'm just going to say, God be loving me. So it was, but I mean, after the initial shock, my mom, she had told me when I went and told her, um, I told her that night, once I found out and I was like, mom, um, I'm pregnant.
And she was just like, congratulations. And I was like, okay, um, are you going to help me? And she was like, no. Oh, okay. And I left her home. And that was the end of that conversation. Oh, wow. My mom was a teenage mom. Um, she had me two days before her 18th birthday. I had my daughter two weeks before my 18th birthday.
Two weeks and two days, if we're going to be technical. And then, um, which, you know, by default, my dad's a teenage dad. Uh, and my grandparents. They were both of my grandmothers were teenage moms. Now they were married to my grandpas, but still they were teenage parents as well. So it was like, it was generational.
I don't know what great grandmas did, but I know. Mom and grandma's like, and grandpa's too. Cause I don't know why I'm not counting these men, but, um, all were teenage parents. So it was just like, I just always said how I was going to break that curse. And then I didn't. And so I was just really hurt by it.
Um, and then they were also hurt by it. I will say that my mom definitely played the role of dad until my husband came along. So that was beautiful. My mom, although she said she would not help, she helped tremendously. Um, she always has my daughter still to this day. She has her designated week. She gets her every other weekend and you better not get in the way of her time with her money, Bonnie.
So that's so special. I love it. Yes. So, um, but to the bird. The birth was very difficult. Um, I was very small and, uh, had no business having a baby, but I don't know with me, births have not, labor and delivery has just been traumatic experiences. Um, so for Monica, my oldest, her birth was very difficult. Um, she was a big baby.
So apparently I create these giants. I don't know why, um, God didn't want to bless me with the height. So I just claim five, eight, because I'm just going to be tall. Um, if you meet me in person, don't question it. If I don't have all my wedges, that's none of your business. Just respect the fact that I say, Don't look at the driver's license.
Just know, I'm saying fine. I love it. So she, um, so when I went to go have her, she was, well, we went in, I think maybe a month prior to her being due, so like 36 week checkup, and they measured her, and they were like, okay, she's like 7 pounds and some odd ounces, and I was like, awesome, great. When are you taking her?
Because she's obviously done. You know, like she's done cooking. Um, you can get her out. And there was like, no, we're not going to do that. I'm like, there's nothing funny here. Like this baby is big. I'm waddling around. This is humongous. Like, and I don't know what to expect, but I'm hearing people say how you go blind and stuff after you're already pregnant.
They don't tell you this stuff beforehand. Okay. I had to sit at the front of the classroom to be able to see my vision was shot during pregnancy. It came back. Thank God. But, um, I now wear glasses. So, um, it, it didn't stay. Um, I think this last one, he just knocked it out. Um, but when it came to her, um, yeah, I went in and so I had to wait until 40 weeks and they say we'll induce at 40.
So I said, Okay, so I got induced at 40 weeks. Um, on her due date and I was in labor for 40 hours. Um, and I was able to have a vaginal delivery, but it was after 40 intense hours of labor and pain and Pitocin and trying to walk her down and nothing happening. And, um. them forgetting to feed me. They took me off of the Potosin just so that I could eat dinner.
And then they didn't bring me dinner. Luckily I had a cousin bring me a subway. That was the best sub I ever had. When you have an eight for 24 hours, it's like, Oh, thank God. Oh my gosh. But I, I tell you, it was just so difficult. And, um, I was, I did have to get stitched up. Uh, she gave me a lot of presents that I was not happy about.
Uh, she gave me a hemorrhoid. They never go away. Um, I'm like, I wasn't born with it. Why y'all can't get rid of it? You know, if I wasn't born with it, why you can't take it away? But apparently that's just something like you can use some cream or something, but. It doesn't go away. So that's beautiful. Um,
I mean, it was just, I don't know. But after that, I wasn't sure if I was having another kid ever. Um, I was like, this was so horrible. This is the worst thing I ever could have did in my whole life. I apologize to my mom and my grandmother because they were in the room with me. And I was just apologizing to them for ever having sex, because.
How dare I get myself in this situation? And I ended up telling my grandma during the labor to shut up because she had told me that I was an Indian warrior. My grandma was a character. So she was just like, you're an Indian warrior. You got this. Like that woman was a comic. Okay. And I was just like, shut up grandma.
Oh, it was just crazy, but it was a lot like, I don't know. It was a beautiful story like that. I can look back. I can laugh. I can cherish the moment. It was beautiful. I was looking at her. It really took a moment like maybe a couple days for it to really register like this baby is my baby. This one isn't my mom's like I can't just be like, here you go.
Your baby's crying or they're plucking my nerves like Like, this is my baby. It took a few days to register. Um, but I instantly fell in love with her when I saw her. I was in love with her while she was in my belly, but I mean, I heard her heartbeat. But it was just like, once I saw her, I never knew I could love a human being that much.
And, like, I don't know. My kids are my best friends. I love them, but oh my god, that girl. That girl right there. She is special. Yeah. Wow. That's amazing. 40 hours is crazy long and it's like you're, you're like doing a marathon and then you're not able to eat. That is the craziest thing ever. I mean, where else are you going to get energy to like finish out that marathon?
Thank goodness for your cousin. Oh my gosh. Yes. Yes. She came through. She came through. I was like, Oh my God. They're starving me here. She was like, what do you want? Subway footlong way. Perfect, perfect. So then, going into your second pregnancy, so did you feel like you had anything, like, did anything stick out to you?
Do you feel like you had any, I don't know, hindrance going into it because of your previous birth experience? I mean, I know you already said, like, you were like, I never want to have any kids after this again. Of course not. So, one, I was not going to be a single mom of two. So, that was the biggie. Um, it was a struggle with my daughter.
Um, 17 and a mom. I worked full time. I went to school full time and I was a single mom. Um, her, her, um, I don't know what to call him nowadays because he, he, he just resurfaced back in her life like this year once she turned 10. Um, so now I don't know I playfully call him baby daddy because he's a step up from what he used to be.
I used to call him her donor. So, uh, but yeah, he was not around. So since we're talking about past tense, so yeah, he was a donor. So at that time her donor was not around at all. Um, he was military. He left and, um, did not even say goodbye to her. Has not still to this day seen her since she was one. Um, so I was in this all by myself and It was the hardest thing I ever did because I had to make sure my baby didn't even like I didn't want her to feel the struggle like it wasn't her fault.
She got me as a mama. She didn't ask to be here. She didn't ask for a teenage mom. Like I had to give her a great life regardless. So I had got to a point where I got my baby in private school. I got a house all those things. So I was like, I'm not going to bring in another child and they take away from me.
This child and I want all of my Children to be able to have the greatest life possible. So it's just You're not coming unless there's space for you. Like, that was just how I felt because I was like, I'm not going to take away from what I already have. And, um, we're a blended family. So I went from mama of one to mama of three overnight.
And it has been a fight just to give those all three an equal, beautiful, Life. So, um, this year is the first year all of my kids are in private school. And so we had to fight for that. So it's just like, yeah, it took a lot of thought to be like, are we going to have another yes we are, but when Once we're ready, like, like once I'm married and I'm my grandma told me she was like, give it two years or so make sure that Joker ain't crazy.
And he gonna stick around don't just go ahead and just have a baby soon as you get married because then you stuck with them. So, I was like, Alright, so we were actually we have our son last year and. We were married four years. I gave a little extra time, so I gotta make sure I gotta make sure I gotta make sure I make sure, you know, we had a lot of kids.
The thing was, I wanted to wait, got into our house. Um, my house that I had was smaller. And so when it came to this house, I mean, we had a three bedroom, one and a half bath. Perfect for me and Monica for the triple M crew, me and my husband. It's a little cramped. So, uh, so we needed a bigger space. So once we were able to move into this much bigger home, um, it made it like, okay, now we can go ahead and have the baby.
But we also dealt with a miscarriage too. Um, well, not a miscarriage. It was an ectopic pregnancy. That was heartbreaking. Um, that was like earth shattering. Because I've waited so long to have a baby and I knew that we were about to have our son. His name was going to be Nehemiah because like I told you, I've got to be loving me so I know who I'm having.
And so I was planning and I was like, we're about to have this boy. Then later on, we'll have this girl and we're about to have our son, Nehemiah. And we got pregnant and I was like, oh snap, because I just got off birth control. I was pregnant in a week. So I was like, yeah, I'm having this baby. And then as soon as I knew I was pregnant.
Because I knew I was pregnant within like three to four weeks or so. Um, and then cramps started and something, and I knew something was wrong. And I was like, Oh my God, this is. Like, something's not right. I went, and then, uh, I had one doctor that I called a Riddler. And she would just, like, tell me in riddles, like, But maybe, maybe it is, maybe it's not, maybe it's ectopic, maybe it's not, maybe it'll work out, maybe it won't.
Like, when you tell me, and I'm a guy. I'm a God girl. So you keep saying maybe then I'm like, Oh, there's room for Jesus to move this, like my baby to my womb, Lord. And I'm gonna have this baby because maybe, and really and truly, um, yes, God could have did it because there's nothing impossible for him. But medically, it wasn't.
It wasn't possible. Once that baby stuck in that tube, there's, there's no nothing. They, they're embedded there. They've set up shop there. So I would have died if I didn't, um, get them to remove the baby. And so I had to have chemo, um, to remove the baby and it didn't work. So, uh, they gave me chemo. It's a very small dose, but they gave me chemo once.
Um, it did not work. Um, but I didn't have any side effects or anything. The second time, um, three weeks later, they gave me another, um, thing of chemo because, um, my kids are stubborn. Um, so this baby, uh, I affectionately call him or her Angel. Um, they, they weren't trying to go. And so the second time they gave me chemo, I threw up, vomited.
Um, it still did not work. So there was like, we can give you a third round of chemo, or you're going to have to do surgery. There was like, basically, at this point, the chemo is not going to work. So you're going to either do surgery voluntarily or involuntarily. And so, yeah, that's basically what they told me.
And I said, I'm not having surgery. No one's cutting me. So I was just like, and I'm not getting that chemo again. Like I vomited, I was sick to my stomach. My husband had like, I woke up in the middle of the night, vomiting. My husband came, he is so loving, like holding my hair, making sure I'm okay, rubbing my back and all that.
But it was so awful. And, um, just like, I felt like I was killing my baby. And so it was just, it was too much for me. So I just prayed about it. And I was like, well, you know, now that I've had this chemo and stuff in my system, God, like, just, please just take this baby out. Cause I don't know what damage I done did to this child.
So like, please just take this baby away from me. Like let my numbers go down. Like they're supposed to go down and we'll try again when we're ready. And, um, yeah, finally within a few weeks. Um, I think I prayed, well actually once I said that prayer on a Saturday, uh, that Sunday I had severe cramping like I was, like I was in labor and it was, it was awful and I'm crying and I'm just like wailing in pain.
Um, and my mom and them are telling me I have to go to the hospital. I'm like, no, if I go to that hospital, they're going to cut me. They're not going to cut me. I'm not letting them cut me. So like, but my mom, husband, and grandma all had a gang up on me. Different grandma this time. Um, not Indian warrior.
She has gone to, uh, be with the Lord. But, um, I was just like, they're not going to cut me. So finally they make me go and they do, um, They go to look and then I ask because I'm by then I finally calm down the cramping stops and I was like, did my baby move? and The girl's like no why and she said it like but the way she said it was like This ain't moving.
So like no. Oh, wow They did my blood work and I asked God for my numbers to go down to 600 because that was what it had to be at for the doctors to stop trying to like bully me into chemo or surgery. And I was at like 580 something. So I was like, Oh, look at God. So, um, to this day I say God when I hit him brought my numbers down because all I was doing was drinking some raspberry tea.
No, was it raspberry? Yeah, the raspberry leaf tea. Yeah, that's what I use with the contractions. Yeah, yeah. Stimulate the uterus. So I use that all the time for cramps, uh, during cycles, but, um, it kind of feels weird that I'm talking about all these, like, woman things. We're told we're not supposed to talk about this stuff, but it's so natural.
Yeah, yeah. And for those that don't know, like, when there is a suspected ectopic pregnancy, that's exactly what they do. They offer you... What is like the chemo? There's a couple different types, and it can help naturally, um, I guess, expel your baby as natural as, you know, something man made can be, um, with trying to avoid surgery, because with the surgery comes risk, um, it could actually, for those that don't know, um, having that surgery could actually affect Affect your future pregnancies and your ability to even become pregnant after that.
So yeah. And then the numbers you talked about were the H C H C G numbers and Yeah, so that those numbers are supposed to progressively go down. Um, but yes, I just wanted to just kind of touch on that real quick, but go on please. Oh my gosh, . Yeah, and my numbers were stuck and so, um, when I had prayed to God about what to do, he just told me to drink Raspberry Lee tea.
So, I was chugging raspberry leaf tea, um, and that's what made the difference for me. So, a doctor's gonna tell me, Oh, the chemo must have finally kicked in. That's what one doctor told me, and I'm like, I didn't. Because, you guys already said with your medical opinion, how if it hadn't worked, it wasn't gonna work, and how it's already out of my system by now.
So obviously my God did it, but you know, um, nonetheless, it was just like, you know, being able to get rid of that pregnancy, that was really tough. Cause I was also depressed, um, now because I've lost a baby and this was my baby. This was supposed to be my Nehemiah. Um, I never even got to feel this baby kick.
I never got to know if it was a boy or a girl, nothing. I just. I just lost him or her. I lost my angel. And, um, that was rough. So I also gained a lot of weight. Um, I gained a lot of weight while on birth control and also, um, just pigging out with my husband, you know, you get, you get married, you get happy and fat together.
And so we already, forget a freshman 15. It was like a married 15 to 20 and. So I was already a little bit chunkier from happy marriage weight and then, uh, that baby kind of like put in the depression of just like going and eating any and everything now because I lost my baby. And so now I'm like 200 pounds, which is like 25 pounds.
Higher than, um, I was when I gave when I was nine months pregnant with Monica. So this is just baseline starting out. Um, and so I lost that baby and that at the beginning of April. So from February, it took from February. I got pregnant in January, but, um, by the beginning of April, that's when I was finally at zero.
Um, so the baby was officially, you know, no longer alive or there. And so, um, I told God, I said, well, just let me know when I can have a baby again. Uh, I was like, just give me my period because I basically have been without a period for years. Because I got pregnant as soon as I got off birth control and birth control took away my periods.
So I was like, well, you know, just. Give me my period when it's time. So then the next month, my period comes and I was like, Oh, you tripping. I was like, this ain't it. It's like, this ain't that. So then I was like, we gonna wait a little while longer. So I waited until, um, we started trying to get at the end of July.
Um, and then. Our son, we got pregnant with him in mid August, about August 12th or so, and he came May 18th. But this pregnancy was completely different. This baby is a boss baby. He is strong willed, stubborn, and does whatever he wants to do. Um, he runs my house right now, uh, and he is feisty. So, I don't know, and he, but he is just like, My whole heart, you know, besides my other kids, but I mean, like, he's the baby.
So he's going to get loved on extra thick right now. It'll all level out as he joins their ranks and being older and plucking my nerves more. Um, not that he doesn't now, but and such a blessing. So, um, I have my Nehemiah cause as I told you guys, I was having my Nehemiah. Um, He was up next. And so, um, he is a blessing in itself.
The pregnancy was completely different. Uh, my daughter was bliss. Okay. Uh, maybe threw up one time because, uh, I, she told me not to eat the Alfredo and I was like, we going to eat this Alfredo. And then she made me throw up. And then I was like, Oh, I guess we not eating that Alfredo anymore. Uh, and like, I got nauseous sometimes.
So like, To this day, it's been a decade. I haven't had five guys. Um, all that oil and grease, it just made me feel nauseous, even though I didn't vomit. So, um, still don't eat McDonald's. I was working at McDonald's at the time and always getting an extra Mac sauce and stuff. And I just. I can't do it. Can't do it.
So a decade later, I still don't, I wanna go back to five guys 'cause I know it was delicious, but mm-hmm. just can't right now. Yeah. So , but my son, uh, he. I don't know. We had this salad. It was this, um, and we use imitation crab meat. Um, cause you know, we've been healthy and stuff. Cause I'm trying to lose some of the weight, uh, since I'm like 200 pounds and you know, I'm only five, eight at heart.
Um, so in real life, it's not healthy for me to be 200 pounds. Cause it's not like I'm six foot or anything. Um, but So I'm trying to lose the weight and we're eating healthy, but that salad just did something. And I was nauseous for like three weeks straight. Anytime I even thought about it. And that's how I know now all the sushi places, when it says crab meat, they mean imitation crab meat.
That is not true crab meat. So I love sushi. And I got to work through this because I'm on this health journey. So I'm going to try to stay away from the fake meat because it's not like it's vegan and made great for you. I'm pretty sure it's processed and wrong. So, um, but it took sushi out for me the entire pregnancy.
Um, and even quite a few months after the pregnancy, but I do love sushi so much. I had to eat it. I tripped my brain, but I was vomiting. Um, I was extremely heavy and overweight. Um, so with him, I wasn't walking as much with my daughter. I was walking from school to home. Cause I got out at like noon. So there was a lot of like exercise.
I would ride my bike to work at McDonald's or walk to McDonald's. If the bike was left there the night before, because someone wanted to give the pregnant mama a ride home, but didn't think about how I was going to get back the next day, I was home. I even had this lady, she saw me walking to work with my uniform on for McDonald's and her and her daughter gave me a ride, um, up there, because they're just like, Whoa.
Like, you know, you, you, you're so big. Like, do you want to ride? And maybe this was like pre Uber and Lyft. Um, so you're, you're not supposed to get in the car with strangers, but I took that ride. It seemed safe. And it ended up being safe. Yeah. Completely different, but also different. Um,
He would go get me whatever I was craving. So I don't even remember my cravings because my husband got them for me that day because he loves me. Um, unlike some folks that didn't get me mahogany ice cream, hot fries, mom.
It was, it was a great experience to like be able to experience that with my husband and, um, be able to have his baby and give him a baby and a son like that was beautiful. But it was definitely rough because I also work from home and sit on my butt all day. And so I wasn't that healthy as far as like getting the weight down.
I didn't gain any weight until my third trimester. So I did good at like staying even. I stayed at like 205 until those last really Yeah, from March to May when he was born. It was crazy. Um, and it was going up that I ended up at 225 just by the end of that. And my doctor was like, you need to stop doing whatever you do.
I'm like, ma'am, I'm doing the same thing I've been doing. He's just growing. I don't know what to do. So I'm like, there's nothing I can do different. Like, I'm not eating any different. I'm not doing anything different. He's just growing like And now it's too late for me to start trying some rigorous exercise or I might go into preterm labor.
And he was a big baby too. And he is Mr. Hope, my beer. So my daughter was 8 pounds, uh, when she was born. Yeah, she was 8 pounds, 6 ounces, 21 inches long. He said, hold up, got you. So he came out and he was eight pounds, seven ounces, 22 inches long. So he just had to be an ounce bigger and an inch longer because he's just such a boss.
And like, he kicked the entire pregnancy. He was a, I called him my Kung Fu baby. Like I was like, I need to get him in martial arts by age two. I still do. Um, he was like kicking like crazy. It still does. Like, it hasn't stopped. It hasn't stopped. Like, my husband would be cuddling with me at night, and he'd be like, you don't feel that?
Like, he is going off in there. And I'm like, yeah, I'm used to it now. Good night. Exactly. Like, like, he would just be, like, they were like, oh, just make sure at least you're getting a kick an hour. I was like, he's already at a hundred. Like, I don't, do I need to keep counting ? Do I need to keep counting? Like, so it was great in that sense, but um, his labor and delivery almost died.
Um, it was extremely traumatic. So, uh, you know, so like pregnancy. Little nausea, whatever, can't really say it was horrible, um, things I could have did better, but then I know I'm having this big baby, so I did, uh, I went to a massage person and got one of those, like, inducing massages. That crap works. So, I got off her table at, like, 1 o'clock.
I was a fi my water broke. My water didn't break with my first child. Um, it had to be broken. My water broke at three. In hindsight, being 20 20, I would not have gotten induced. I would have walked that baby down. Um, that would have been the smart thing to do. Instead of like, taking matters into my own hands, getting that massage.
It was a good massage. But, um, I mean, it really does nothing, because all they're doing is touching all these pressure points. So it's not like the greatest massage of your life, ladies. It's really not worth it. And for me to go into labor, now my water's broke. And the clock's ticking. So, um, I'm just at home talking and then I'm experiencing that moment where it's like, I'm not peeing and it doesn't feel like I urge to pee or anything, but my pants are wet and I don't pee on myself.
Like what's going on? So, uh, I found like, I'm like, mom, I think my water broke. Um, told my husband first, but, um, called my mom, let her know. Because my husband was at work 45 minutes away, but it can sometimes be two hours to get back home with the traffic out here. Um, and so my mom was on her way. He got off work early and was on his way.
I took a shower because what y'all not going to do is have me out here funky. And so I took a shower and had to put the towel between my legs, got dressed and everything. And we went. Um, but they kept checking me all the time. And so, and then the midwife would check me and then my doctor would come in and check me right after her.
And so that caused me to eventually get an infection. Um, on top of that, the labor wasn't progressing. So just because I got the massage that didn't stop the way that my body naturally works. And apparently for me going through that birthing process. can be a struggle. So it didn't give my, it only made my water break, but it didn't change how fast.
My, um, contractions were, or how heavy they were or anything, still had to end up getting medication and stuff that should have started sooner. 'cause we tried to let my body do what it's supposed to do for like a day. Um, I think with him I ended at 32 and a half hours of labor, no, 33 and a half hours of labor.
Um, eight and a half centimeters, uh, eight and a half to nine centimeters dilated, uh, infected. Uh, and they had to do an emergency C section. His heart rate, I think, had reached the 220s. Mine's was over 200. Um, and my blood pressure was through the roof and, uh, like what, that may have been the stuff that was over 220 or something.
I don't know. It was in stroke levels. And so my blood pressure was in stroke levels. I was, my heart rate and his heart rate was severely distressed and oh, and then when they first gave me the epidural, cause I finally got the epidural. About 25 or so ish hours. And I really wanted this one to be a natural birth if possible.
But, um, it also, they had a doctor on that. I refuse to deliver my baby. Um, she was. A very nasty woman has horrible reviews for that reason. Uh, she looks at giving birth as like a numbers game or something. She forces mamas into C sections and, um, the stories I've heard from people that got C sections from her, um, from my mom's friends and stuff, like she was very rough, she was not caring, um, her bedside manner is.
Trash during my first pregnancy, she tried to sell me that I was going to come back and like she was trying to induce me when I came in with Braxton Hicks and at one centimeter, and she was going to try and induce me then and I'm like, the other people in the practice said we need to wait till I'm 40 weeks so why would you do that now, just, but she just wanted.
the delivery, like it's a score or something. This ain't no touchdown. This is my life. And so, um, I refused to let her service me. And I told them, I said, I will waddle out of here and go to the other hospital where you guys don't need to have privileges. And we won't have this issue because she's not touching me or my baby.
Period. And my mom let them know too. She laid down a law. So my doctor of preference and the other doctor, they kind of like, I guess to keep the peace, they were trying to be there for me. Um, even though it wasn't their shift. So during the day hours, if my baby would have came during the day, my regular doctor would have delivered my baby.
And then if not, then, um, at first they refused to even ask, but you know, there's always a doctor there for moms that don't have insurance or don't have a doctor or anything like that. And they didn't even want to ask, even though I made it very clear, this lady's not touching my baby. And so I came in while it was her shift.
Then it was someone else's shift on call for the next 24 hours, and then it was her shift again. And I remember I took note of what days she would be there, and I just so happened. So I already had on my calendar, because I asked my doctor in advance. I said, what days is she going to be at the hospital?
Because I'm not having my baby with her. So my doctor knew during my pregnancy. This woman is not touching me or my baby. I don't trust her. I'm not going to take her medical opinion. Like, I will die. Probably making the wrong decision because she told me medical advice and I wouldn't be able to trust it.
So, I mean, drama, um, to say the least, but she did not touch me or my baby. She stayed away from my room. She didn't even pee pee and, and, um, and nonetheless, like the, uh, the lady ended up, uh, that delivered my baby was from the other practice. Um, so, that was, that was nice. She did a phenomenal job. Uh, but she was a little attitudal with me, because when she's telling me I have to get a c section, I'm like, I really don't want one.
And she's like, I really don't have to be here, sort of thing. Like, you're, you're basically their problem, not my problem. Is what I got from that was like, why are you... Why are you complaining to me? Um, like I'm telling you what's good for your life. And it's just like, this is rough for me. I've never wanted a c-section.
I've never had surgery in my life. I did not want it. And, but then my mom is crying and kicked everyone out of the room. Um, she let my husband stay in, but uh, she kicked everyone out outside of the room and was like, I don't wanna lose you. I'm looking at those numbers. And even when you're contracting, you're in so much pain, it's not even going up on the decibels to show that it's a large contraction.
These were the contractions that you earlier were sleeping through. And now you're in immense pain and it's not really moving the bullet because these are very soft contractions. She's like, I don't want to lose my baby. You're my baby. Like, I know I don't want you to hate me after this because. You are having to get the C section.
I'm making you get the C section. She's like, but I don't want to lose you. And I'm just like, tell them they can do the C section. So do you feel like your decision to do that was heavily influenced by her? Or did you already have it like in the back of your mind? Like, maybe I should do this. So the moment I knew I needed a C section was, I'm a God girl.
So when I tell you like my son's birth. We had a whole prayer session. Um, luckily we were just out of COVID enough. We were still in it, but out of it enough for them to allow me to have whoever I wanted in my room. So I had my maternal grandmother there, um, since my paternal grandmother passed. My maternal grandmother was there.
My mom was there. My dad was there. My mother in law was there. My husband was there. Full house. Oh, and grandpa came too. Um, and so we started praying. I could on mute gospel music. I was listening to sermons and we were just praying and we were praying for this, like for him to come out vaginally. We were praying hard.
And my grandmother, she started the prayer line going. Um, cause she is. Warrior prayer warrior. She called my aunt. My aunt is the greatest woman of faith. When I was going through losing my baby. Um, she was like, you, she was like, God could do anything. He'll do whatever your faith allows. Like you, you just got to have enough faith and she was like, he can move that baby still just have enough faith.
And I did not have enough faith for that. I'm going to be honest. So I was like, I'm gonna have enough faith this time. So I'm telling her, I'm like, auntie, pray that they don't have to cut me. I don't want to see section that we could just have a healthy delivery vaginally. And then she was like, why? like,
you told me I'm supposed to be white. But when she said. Now, why would I do that? Like, why, why you don't want this c section exactly? Once she said that, after knowing what she knew from the phone, I was like, oh. When she told me, so she didn't even have to tell me, get the c section, but once she asked me why, as if, like, I was saying something irrational, um, I was like, I might need that c section.
So, but I still kept praying and we're like, you know, wasn't a dry eye in the room because actually his, he started regulating. So his heartbeat regulated, my blood pressure regulated, but it was only for a few hours before everything started to uptick again. And so when that uptick started again, My mom kicked everyone out because she's like, I don't know if anyone else is looking at this, but I'm looking at this and I'm concerned and my back is to it because I'm facing her because I'm going to flip like a pancake, um, to try and do whatever it takes to get this baby down.
And so, um, she was just like, she told me that and I was like, okay, so I wasn't mad at her. I, I did it because The numbers said I needed to. It was like, look, if God wanted to do it this way and let me push him out vaginally, he would have. Um, I feel like also we have a part to play because like miracles are like a small percentage.
I think there's a lot of part that we have to play. I did not walk or exercise during my entire pregnancy. I was severely overweight, even though I knew that I had a rough pregnancy the first time. So I should have been even more active this time than I was the last time, or at least as active. And, um, I think that would have made a world of difference by itself.
I shouldn't have got that massage. I should have just walked this baby down. That could have made a world of difference by itself. Um, so knowing what I know now, like it was like, I kind of did this to myself. If I blame anyone, I blame me. I don't blame God. I don't blame my mama. Um, I blame me for making unhealthy choices and not doing what I knew I needed to do because my whole pregnancy, like, I felt God telling me to walk and to exercise and I was able to walk when I took my kids to Orlando and I was walking all around then, waddling around then, um, at like, you know, four or five months pregnant, but after that.
Back to Lazy City, back in my flow of working. Now, in my defense, I am a tax CPA. It was busy season, okay? I had to work 50 plus hours a week and I'm tired. I want to nap at all times. So, it was, it was either I was at this computer working or I was getting a nap and sleeping or snacking. And, um, it just wasn't healthy.
It was, it was a chaotic. way to do it. So yeah, it was scary. Um, I really, uh, Oh, my blood pressure plummeted when they first gave me the epidural. That was the other thing. So all I know is that I felt like I was about to like go away from here then as well. And I was just like, Oh, this not working. Like I was fighting hard to keep talking, but I was like, something's not right.
And they looked at my blood pressure and it was low. I don't remember the numbers anymore, but when I say it was severely low, like Something crazy, like 20 over 60 or something. Like it was something really low. I was like, Oh, like there's an, Oh God, she's got the bottom out. And so then they had to give me something else to like, raise it back up.
And it was like this little practice. There was like, I gave her what we gave her initially 10 years ago. To see if that will work. I didn't have any problems with my epidural at first. I will say that. So, I understand where they started with the baseline and it's a science or whatever. But it almost took me out of here.
And then... the pregnancy and getting them being affected by them also putting their hands in all those times too. I do blame that part on them because if it wasn't for me getting infected, I could have made it to the finish line and pushed him out. Um, like I did with my daughter, even if it would've took 40 hours.
We did this once, we can do this twice. I don't want to do this third time, 40 hours of pregnancy, but um, but nonetheless, like that was, you know, part of that, uh, experience too. So, I mean, it was a time where it really brought us all together, but if I had my way, I'd never go through that experience again.
It, like, my daughters, I could laugh about it. It's like, it was funny. It was loving. Look at my baby. That one, I almost died and I was still actually dealt with postpartum depression after having him, um, because I was just stuck in the house and I was like stuck in my room because the c section, it gave me so much pain.
It, um, one night afterwards, I couldn't get up to pee. So whenever my bladder would get full, I wouldn't be able to get out of bed. I wouldn't be able to sit up. And so I'm over here like hitting my husband like, please help me. I need to get to the bathroom. I can't get up. And he's like, you can do it. Like, I'm like, I'm telling you get up because like, I'm in so much pain.
And so he had to carry me to the toilet just for me to pee. And then like, The pressure relieved off of the incision, I guess. And I was like able to whoo, but I would always like pee before going to bed, but I think it was at least two or three times where he had to carry me to the toilet, even with me peeing before bed and everything, just like my bladder would get full, it would push on the incision wrong and I couldn't pooping.
Oh my God. That was traumatic in itself, like that was so painful, um, the contractions from breastfeeding after having him, even after having a c section, I still had to deal with all those contractions and everything that were like the devil while I'm trying to learn how to breastfeed my baby because my first daughter, my daughter, I wasn't able to breastfeed, um, for real.
So, um, he's still breastfed. I love it. Um, I'm going to stop whenever I feel like it.
But, uh, yeah, it was, I don't know, it was an experience. Uh, hooting was hard too, like having, having any kind of gas. It just felt like I was having the worst contractions all over again. It felt like death. It was, it was so rough. So not being able to do stuff for myself, not being able to shower for the, by myself for the first week or two.
It's one thing when your husband's just cute and loving on you and wants to do stuff for you. It's another thing when you physically can't. And I'm very independent. So I hated that I could not wash myself. Like he had to come in the shower with me and wash me, um, for at least the first week or two. He probably wouldn't need it too fast, but I was determined I was going to wash my own hot pots.
Like that was just, you got to draw a line in the sand. So he was like, you're getting in the shower and I'm like, yes, I got this. You can stand by like, I'm going to figure this out. It also took a while for the weight to come off, um, because they were pushing so much fluids and stuff in me. Like I said, I was 225 when I went in.
I was 225 when I came out. Um, I might have been close to 230. I'm not sure. I was, I was so swollen. I couldn't even get on my Crocs. Y'all know crocs are loose fitting, okay? I had imprints on the top of my foot because they were so swollen, um, from getting on my crocs. And I could get my crocs on before I got in that hospital.
So it was just from all the fluids they pumped me with, um, that my foot was like swollen and like imprinted by that. It was just, I don't know. Crazy. Crazy. And gosh, you have touched on like a whole plethora of things that nobody really talks about. Like, it's hard because you literally just had a major abdominal surgery.
And people have like smaller procedures done and they're required to rest and recuperate for way longer than the six weeks or eight weeks that's recommended for us. You know, and they're not, they're not tasked with taking care of a newborn child on top of all that. So it's crazy. Yeah. You can't poop comfortably.
You were pumped with all these drugs that actually inhibit you from pooping. They make you constipated and then peeing. Oh my. Gosh, I've never heard anybody talk about the bladder part, but that's so important to talk about because they literally have to take your bladder out or move it to the side when they're, yes, when they are performing the C section.
So if they don't put it back, like exactly how it was, it could be close to your incision. And sometimes you can have scar tissue from your C section that actually adheres to your bladder. Yes,
right? Yeah. And if you don't read like the 20 page thing that you sign off for the C section, you're not going to know who reads that. Nobody didn't read it. I don't even remember signing anything. Um, to be honest, and I was just so delirious and then they didn't want to give me my baby. Oh, that pissed me off.
Um, other people were seeing my baby before me. I was ticked because I'm like, I almost died for this child. You better give me my baby first. I get to be selfish. Okay. Um, everyone else is like, oh, and I'm like, yeah, and they're like, you're not conscious enough. And I'm like, they're like, oh, she's going back to sleep.
Well, y'all just drugged me. Oh, I left out a part. While they were doing the c section, I felt it, um, at some point. And so I'm like, that hurts. I was like, you're hurting me. And I'm telling them and they're like tugging, like, and I feel it and they're tugging at me and pulling at me. And I'm like, stop, you're hurting me.
You're hurting me. So I'm like screaming now because I'm going to advocate for myself. And I'm just yelling at them. You're hurting me. And then I went silent. And my husband was like, they just like, Pumped up the anesthesia and took me out. Um, so like he all of a sudden was looking over like, whoa, what did y'all do with my wife?
Like what's going on here? And it was like, we gave her more anesthesia because she, you know, um, because she was going crazy or whatever. So we gave her more anesthesia. I wasn't going crazy. Y'all were hurting me. Like, why wouldn't you, so they put me to sleep for the rest of it. For, like, the incision part.
Oh my gosh, yeah, and that, that really, like, drives me absolutely insane, because I remember with my C sections, like, after the baby came out, I remember seeing the anesthesiologist, like, you know, at your, wherever the IV is in your arm, pushing something in there, and I'm like, what are you putting in there?
Like, they don't even tell you, and it's like, you're just putting stuff in me, and then all of a sudden I was like, whoa, and I'd feel like I was high. And oh my gosh, yeah, that is so wrong on so many levels. Oh my gosh. It was, it was insane. So like, okay, so if there was anything that you could change about any of your experiences, like if there was anything that you could have done differently, and I don't ask this to like, make you feel shame or anything, but just like moving forward, say this situation happened to somebody else.
Or to yourself again, like, would there be anything that you would have done differently leading up to any of your experiences? One, I'm not doing this again. Um, like I'm not having the same experience again. I do want one more. Her name will be Katrina Rose as you guys know. So we're going to have one more.
It's a girl. Her name is Katrina Rose. Um, I am not pregnant, um, because I need time. I need time. Right. Uh, but yeah, I'm not going through that again. I wanted a doula for this pregnancy to try and help it. I'm going to have a doula. for the next one. Um, I have to, I have to have a dual or a midwife because one, now that I've had a c section, they want to tell me that I can't give birth the natural way at certain offices.
And like my doctor told me, Oh, they fired me as a client too, because I wouldn't let that doctor touch me. And, um, because I guess someone else ended up getting the commission or the payout, which was still within their big group. Um, You guys own several offices. So, you know, it was just one of your subsidiaries that got the money.
It was a sister company of yours, but whatever. So after my six weeks and they went ahead and did my pap smear everything. And then they're like, Oh yeah, you're fired. Like, we're not going to have you back as a client. Um, and I loved my doctor that I did have. She was a black woman. I love that she went to my church.
So her mom knows my grandma. Um, so it was just like, I fell in love with her. She always took her time with me. She answered all my questions. She helped me a lot during that ectopic pregnancy. She was the doctor I met at the hospital and she was caring, she answered every question I had, did not leave the room until it was all answered and figured out and just made me feel valued.
And so, you know, just treated me like a human being, just didn't treat me like a number, but treated me like a human being. So it really broke my heart that they fired me as a client. Um, because I was like, I've been coming to you guys since I was 17. And after a decade, you guys fired me because I don't let a woman that you guys have known complaints about touch me.
Wow. And then that, that's crazy that they waited until after your pap smear. They didn't say it when you like made the appointment. They, they waited until they serviced you. Yeah. They did the six weeks and they were like, we're going to do a pap smear this time too. And I was like, it's not even time for my pap.
I didn't get a pap the last time, but they went ahead and got the pap done too. And it was like, yeah, we're firing you as a client. Wow. Like she was just like, um, I went to ask her questions like, um, if I do want to get pregnant again, ever, like what can I do to make sure that I don't have this kind of experience again?
And she was like, I'm just going to be honest with you. This is going to be our last visit. Wow. They've decided to let you go, or we've decided to let you go. Right.
Okay. Wow, yeah, that's, that's, that's rough, like, oh my gosh, you not, not only did you just have a major surgery, you just had a baby, you're having these procedures done, you were, felt like you were mistreated, I mean, I'm assuming you felt like you were mistreated during, you know, this process. Based on our conversation and then they tell you that they're going to decline you as a client.
Oh my gosh, go find somebody else. Goodbye. Yeah, I still don't have a new one yet. My regular doctor that I see, she's done my pap and everything because I'm trying to find a good like midwifery to go to. And it's just really hard to find a good one. Um, and I really want to find one. Close to home, not an hour plus away because that's not realistic once you're in labor.
Um, that's not realistic once you're going through all those appointments and everything. So, um, yeah, so I'm really trying to find a really nice one. And I'm going to put a lot of effort into it because like I said, I need time. I'm not ready to be pregnant again or have another baby just yet. And if I so happen to have a baby in nine months or something, just know I had no idea.
I'm not trying to have a baby right now. No, I totally get it. And I feel like we should keep talking after this conversation because I feel like I can give you so many amazing resources. Yes, yes. So I do want to kind of come back to your experience and include your husband because I'm so curious like how he felt about this and how you feel like a partner could best support them if they were to go through like a similar experience to yours.
Uh, I don't know how he, he's right here, babe. Um, I can ask him. I love it. Hey, you just came down right on time. She wants to know, how did you feel when I had Nehemiah? I don't know. I honestly don't like to remember. I just know that I heard you talking and I heard you black out. Like I didn't hear you talking anymore.
So I was like, what? Like what's going on? Like I would say I didn't get like, uh, extremely mad. It was just, how was I feeling? I was more so scared. I think I was scared because I just saw, like, I heard her talking and then she stopped talking. So I'm like, what is going on? And then they weren't trying to let me see her because they had like a, uh, like some kind of.
Yeah, some kind of drape up and then I like I tried to look over it and it's like they lifted it up higher So I couldn't see and i'm like, why can't I see her? So I was just I was really more confused and scared I would say because I didn't know what was going on And then I just saw like, uh Them cutting her belly open and then like they pulled something.
I don't know what it was. I was just very confused in that moment. I bet. I know. And that's crazy because you thought you were going in to have, see your baby be born vaginally the way that babies are typically born. And then you're having all these emergency situations happen. And then all of a sudden your wife is knocked out.
Like, Oh my gosh, I can imagine how scary that is for you. I'm so happy to jump on here because I love to hear like, how did that make you feel? It happened at like. a snap of a finger instant too. So it was just, it was just scary. It was really scary. And then, so after it was all said and done with, like, how do you feel like what your role was?
Like, did you feel like you had to now take on a different role than you were anticipating, like to begin with? And you know, cause she was talking about how you kind of had to take care of her. Oh yeah. Yeah. I mean, um, whatever, like I'm, I'm with whatever, like Whatever it comes with being a husband, I'm just, no, I love that.
Cause I know some husbands feel like, oh my gosh, like what do I even do? Like, how do I best support her? And then it's kind of overwhelming because now you have this baby and now you have, you know, your wife had a major abdominal surgery. Right. So, um, it, it wasn't really too much. It was just more so like trying to help her get out of the bed and things like that.
It wasn't, I wouldn't say overwhelming. It was just like a day by day step. I was willing to go through the process with her to get her back to a hundred percent. So. Yeah. So I would love to hear your opinion. Like if, to dads, like if their wife went through this situation, what do you feel like would be a good, like some good advice to give to them?
Just be by her side, a hundred percent, whatever she need, whatever she need. If she's out of commission, I mean, you got to step your game up. That's what you signed up for when you became a husband. Yeah, no, I love that. No, I appreciate your input in this. That's amazing. Thank you. Nice meeting you. He goes with whatever flow.
So I love it. My husband's that way too. He's just like, whatever you need me to do, like, I'll just go with the flow. Yeah. I love that. Oh, that's so awesome. All right. Okay. So I would love, and I feel like we're going to have to like do a whole other episode. Cause before this like interview, we even talked about like some wealth.
financial things. And I really feel like now that we've talked, we should dedicate like a whole episode to this and like the disparities in financial wealth and getting the support you want or need in your pregnancy, the birth or postpartum season. So if you're up for that, we can like, okay, I love it. I love it.
I love it. Okay. So if somebody were to come into contact with you, what would be the best way for them to do that? So all of my information's on my website. Website, so bd smith financial.com. Um, I'm also on social media. Uh, well, I'm going to be changing my handle, so sorry. Um, I plan to have my handle be Brie Smith cpa.
If I fail at this, you can find me everywhere at Bree d Smith. Uh, but I do plan for it to be at Bree Smith cpa. Okay, very good. Thank you so much for taking the time to give me your stories and chat with me because wow, you have touched on so many amazing things that I feel like are important for people to realize because I don't think everybody realizes what happens behind closed doors in a hospital.
So I feel like you have really showcased What is possible and not to say that every experience is that way, but you know, I just love to showcase that they're all different experiences. There's not just one. So anyways, thank you so much. I'm going to reach out to you so we can make another episode. Yes, I love it.
Thank you so much for having me and for just creating this space because it's needed. Definitely. Thank you so much. All right. Until next time, my dear.
Oh my gosh. I feel so honored that you took the time out of your busy day to listen to that episode. I really hope that you liked it or something resonated with you or you learned something new today. Make sure to hit subscribe so that you don't miss an episode and if you'd like to connect with me Go ahead and go to the show notes and click the link.
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