36. Realistic steps to overcome fear and have the birth experience you’re dreaming of
I consider this a part 2 of the previous episode 😉
Here's an overview of this episode:
I’m giving you 15 practical tips for overcoming your fears to accomplish your goals
Fear is normal but it doesn’t have to overcome you
Even if you’re busy these tips are doable
I’ll share some things you may not have thought about that are super effective
🔥 If you implement these tips, you CAN overcome your fears!
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Transcript:
I want you to get ready to embark on a transformative journey where there's no more suffering in silence, no more conforming to outdated societal norms. This is the podcast where we dare to crush those societal expectations and embrace the realities
It's time for us to rise above the shadows and ignite a movement towards a happier, more fulfilled world for every parent and child. If that's you and you're ready to challenge the status quo and embark on this incredible journey with me, then I'd like to welcome you to the Birth Junkie Podcast. Hello, and welcome back.
So I wanted to play off of the last episode that I did, um, about fear. I wanted to give you some more solid steps that you can take in order to overcome this fear. So, if you're new here, my name is Petra. I am a birth doula, birth educator, placenta encapsulation specialist, and mom of four who had a vaginal birth after three cesareans against all odds.
So, I understand what fear is like. I understand the feeling of not knowing whether you can do this or not because there's so much fear surrounding something. Like with my VBAC, there was so much fear surrounding it and people talk to me all the time about. Fearful situations happening. Um, so I want to give you some steps.
So, um, one of the steps is identify your fear. So start by thinking about what specifically you're afraid of, because understanding the root cause of your fear is literally the first step in addressing it. So with me, I was Preparing to have a vaginal birth after three cesareans. There's not a lot of solid evidence-based research on the outcomes of having a vaginal birth after having three major abdominal surgeries.
So there's fear right there. Everybody talks about your uterus rupturing. So that was my big fear. Okay, so I'm gonna help break this down for you with my specific situation and then obviously just apply these steps to your situation. Okay, so with this I identified my big fear and that was uterine rupture, my uterus opening.
While I was in labor or giving birth. So next it's really important to accept those feelings Because it's okay to feel fear Accept that fear is a natural human emotion and there's no need to judge yourself for experiencing it because it's normal It's natural. Um, I accepted that I accepted that fear because It is normal and, you know, natural, especially when people are in your ear saying, this is scary.
This is dangerous. I don't know if you should do this. So, you know, accepting those feelings as them being okay, because they're normal. After that, I set clear goals. So set clear goals. Define exactly what you want to achieve or the action you want to take, because having clear goals can help you focus your efforts and motivation on that goal.
And like I talked about before, you can set that big goal. And then we're going to come down to my fourth tip, which is. break it down. So if your fear feels overwhelming, break it down into smaller, more manageable steps or tasks to achieve this clear goal that you set. This definitely makes the process feel less daunting.
Like I talked about before, it doesn't feel like it's climbing
Okay. So like with me, I broke this down into what I talked about before was finding a VBAC supportive provider. Okay. So, you know, I was trying to find somebody that would support me in this and, you know, I ended up not. But what I did is I reached out to my local ICANN group, I got a list of OBGYNs that were considered to be in favor of VBAC after three cesareans.
So I contacted all of them, and then I tried to find who could support me, and That made it feel less daunting. Um, so educating yourself, tip number five, educate yourself. Knowledge is super empowering. You know, you cannot rely on other people's information that they're feeding you. I invite you to educate yourself, like do all the work yourself, do all the footwork when it comes to research because Um, if your fear is, you know, obviously related to the unknown, which typically that's what it is, educating yourself about the subject or situation can help you understand why you're feeling this fear around this subject or this goal.
And it can help alleviate that fear, you know, like, okay, so what I did is I researched uterine rupture and the percentage on which it is said to happen. So the percentage for uterine rupture after one cesarean was, you know, well below 1%. And then after that, it slightly goes up, but the numbers that I found were never above 3%.
So, you know, Obviously, out of like a hundred women, then, you know, 3 percent would have a uterine rupture. You know, I'm just throwing that number out there. So to me... I was like, okay, this, this is not as bad as I thought it was because my doctor had previously told me the uterine rupture rate was 50 percent for me.
So when I went and did my own research, I found that it was less than 3 percent not, you know, this wasn't. Um, evidence based, um, because there's very small studies done on people that have had a VBAC after three cesareans. So you know, when I looked at 50 percent and the less than 3 percent that I found, I was like, okay, this isn't as bad as I thought it would be.
So step number six would be visualize success. So literally spend time visualizing that positive outcome, whatever that outcome looks like. For me, I literally imagined myself successfully having a VBAC. And I imagined myself feeling empowered and feeling confident. Like I would literally sit or lay and visualize the whole scenario, like my labor and my baby actually coming out of me.
And I literally visualized me putting my hands down and pulling my baby onto my chest. And that's literally what happened. Literally exactly how I visualized it. That's exactly how it happened. So I really feel like there's power in visualization exercises. So Do this. Think about your goal and visualize a positive outcome, whatever you want that outcome to be.
And number seven is practice some mindfulness techniques like meditation or deep breathing. This can really help you stay present and calm when you're facing your fears so that you're not freaking out because. You also practicing meditation and deep breathing can help if your goal is to have a vaginal birth.
This can help you stay calm. This can help you. It becomes second nature for you to be calm in fearful or stressful situations because you have been practicing this your whole pregnancy or before that even. So it becomes second nature. So you don't even think about it and you're practicing mindfulness techniques and helping your labor or the birth to be calm.
So practice mindfulness and then number eight is challenge those negative thoughts. I really want you to pay attention to your negative self talk and irrational beliefs because a lot of them are irrational and made up in our mind to be way bigger and crazier than they can actually be. I want you to challenge these negative, irrational thoughts with positive affirmations.
So what I did is I put Um, positive affirmations all around, like anywhere that I was regularly in my purse, um, on my wall and my bathroom mirror, I just put them everywhere so I would just see them. And, you know, it's like subconsciously you're seeing it. So it's still coming into your mind, even if you're not actively reading it or, you know, paying attention to it.
Um, it can really help. Like right now I have positive affirmations here. I surrender all, you know, just like that. Things like that, things like that can be super helpful. Um, so number nine, seek support. Like, like I said, I was looking for a VBAC supportive provider. I never found one, but I found a community on Facebook and Instagram of women who have, have already accomplished a VBAC after three cesareans or are planning to have one as well.
So, It's nice to be able to, of course, have people in your life that are supportive. Um, like I also had my husband was supportive, my mom, my sister, my brother, and a couple of friends. Um, so I only talked to them about it and I only talked to trusted people, um, family members, friends, um, people online who I thought I could trust.
Uh, And if it helps, look for a therapist, they can definitely give you different tips than I can to dig deeper into your specific situation. Talking about your fears with somebody that you trust can help you, help provide you with like a valuable perspective and support that you might not have seen or realized before.
Um, So number 10 is take those small steps like I talked about before, you know, gradually expose yourself to the source of your fear and manageable increments. Each small success can boost your confidence and it did with me. Every little successful step that I accomplished, I felt more and more confident and empowered in myself.
Okay? Okay? So whatever those little steps are, once you succeed in them. Congratulate yourself. Celebrate because it's huge, even though they're small steps, it's huge. It's a huge step in the process towards overcoming your fears. And number 11, learn from your failures. And I hate to say the word even failure because you know, like me, I didn't fail.
I don't, you know, I used to feel like I failed at giving birth because I had three caesareans and my body didn't do it itself. So. You know, I looked at, I did look at it as a failure, but, you know, you didn't fail. You, there could have been things that were out of your control, um, that happened and created this negative experience or whatever that fear is that's in your life to become this crazy thing that you just are trying to get over now.
Um. Like, for me, learning how to advocate for myself because I didn't realize that I could advocate for myself. So that's one thing that I felt like I failed in, was knowing how to advocate for myself and my wishes and getting over my people pleasing and Good girl, you know, behavior that I had learned over the years to not go against the grain.
So learning and being real raw and honest with yourself about what you feel like caused whatever, you know, created this fear. is so essential. It's, it's such a great opportunity to embrace it as an opportunity to learn and grow because I definitely grew from it. I learned and I grew from it. Now I am like an advocating queen and I am a recovering people pleaser and I am not that good girl.
You know, I'm not afraid to speak. Speak up for things that I want or need in my life that are going to help me to, you know, reach a goal or feel successful or feel accomplished or confident or whatever the feeling may be. And then I already kind of touched on this, but number 12 is celebrate success.
Hey, what's up guys Jenica writerification. Intraligible, and also a little conversation to with our host who is an expert on Cloning technologies type profiling. I love to check things off a list. Um, it's amazing. It's amazing to be able to do that. So give yourself a pat on the back. Treat yourself to some ice cream or treat yourself to getting your nails done or a massage, whatever it is that you like to do.
Celebrate it. It's going to help you create that confidence in yourself because you're amazing. You're amazing for even trying to do this. Okay? It's amazing. And number 13, I'm giving you 15 here. So we're almost there. Number 13, stay persistent. Overcoming fear can be a gradual process. Don't give up even if you face setbacks along the way, because if you really feel like you want to accomplish this goal and you feel it on your heart, in your heart, do it.
Don't give up. You know, if, if I would have given up when the first doctor, when the second doctor, when the third doctor, when the fourth, when the eighth, when the ninth doctor told me no, I wouldn't be here today. I really don't believe that I would be here talking to you today and helping you overcome your fears.
I didn't give up, even though I left every appointment crying because they made me feel like crap. Don't let it come in the way of your ultimate goal, okay? Whatever somebody has to say about whatever you're doing doesn't matter, okay? What matters is what you want. So stay persistent, even though it might suck along the way, okay?
Cause it's worth it. I mean, I, I feel like I'm living proof. It's worth it. It's so worth it. And number 14, try to set some realistic expectations. So what I mean by this is understand that fear may not disappear entirely. Okay. Instead, focus on managing and minimizing its impact on your life. So you know, instead of feeling like paralyzed by fear, you know, there still was a little inkling of fear by the time I was in labor and getting ready to have my V bag.
There was a little bit, but I didn't let it overcome me. I didn't let it overcome. I didn't let it overpower or, you know, be more than what the work was that I put into it. So, you know, just realizing that, yeah, you still might have a little bit of fear nagging you in the back of your mind. That's normal.
That is so normal. Just really look at all the progress you've made this far. Okay, until that point, because it's a lot. It is a lot. Okay, now number 15. This is the last one and then I'll let you go. You can seek professional help. So if your fear is significantly impacting like your daily life or mental health, I definitely, you know, I don't, I don't shy away from using a therapist or a counselor if need be.
Because sometimes they can give you some different tools or a different aspect, um, perspective to look through, different lens to look through that you might not have thought about and something that can really resonate with you and help you. And you don't have to just settle on the first one that you find.
You can go through a couple if you need to, to find the person that you feel like aligns with your belief system so that they can help you overcome your fear in a way that feels good to you personally. And okay, so that's it for my tips. I want you to remember that overcoming fear is a personal journey and it may take time.
Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you work towards facing and conquering your fears. Obviously, this fear was not created overnight. So it's not going to be gone overnight either if you really want to overcome this fear to have whatever goal It is you want to reach you've got to put the work in I cannot voice that enough If you don't put the work in if you're not willing to feel uncomfortable You're not gonna reach that goal.
You're not going to be less fearful. You're gonna still have that full fear In your life, and it can literally impact if you're, whatever it is you, you want to give birth and it's a fear around birth, your birth is going to be fearful, whatever that fear is around birth, it's going to be there if you're not putting the work in, you know, nobody can do the work for you, which sucks.
I know I get it. I want people to do stuff for me to like, just do it for me, please. But no, this is something that comes from deep inside of you, you. And you have to have to do the work. I just can't say that enough because, you know, it was really hard for me and I wanted to give up so many times, but it's worth it.
Overcoming fear has helped me transform my entire life and I know it can help you transform your life too. So I really hope that this was helpful for you or you learned something new today. Um, I will catch you in the next video, but in the meantime, if you want to chat, get me over on Instagram at birthing come true, or go ahead and leave a comment down below, whatever feels good to you.
And go ahead and like, and subscribe if that feels good to you too, you know? Alright, well, I will see you in the next video. Bye! Oh my gosh, I feel so honored that you took the time out of your busy day to listen to that episode. I really hope that you liked it or something resonated with you or you learned something new today.
Make sure to hit subscribe so that you don't miss an episode. And if you'd like to connect with me, go ahead and go to the show notes and click the link. The love for you to rate and review this show that helps more people see this show when they're searching. Thank you so much. And I hope you have a beautiful day.
I will see you next week.
