Fear Clearing to Have the Birth of Your Dreams
Do you feel paralyzed by fear while preparing for your birth?! I get it, I've been there, so in this episode, we'll dive into the essential topic of fear clearing for achieving the birth experience you've always dreamed of.
Join me as I discuss the significant role of fear in preparing for your birth and explore effective techniques to clear those fears. We'll also explore the importance of embracing your own choices, even when faced with conflicting advice from healthcare providers.
Take a listen to discover how fear-clearing and trusting your instincts can empower you to create the birth and life of your dreams.
What's covered in this episode:
Understanding the impact of fear on the birthing process
Techniques and strategies for clearing fear and cultivating a positive mindset
Embracing your own choices and taking ownership of your birth experience
Navigating conflicting advice from healthcare providers
My story and how I overcame fear and made choices that aligned with my birth vision
Don't miss this empowering episode that provides insights, tools, and inspiration to help you clear fear and pave the way for a transformative birth experience.
These tactics don't just pertain to birth, they can be implemented to life in general! Remember, the power to shape your journey lies within you.
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✨ Check out the transcript here! Fear Clearing to Have the Birth of Your Dreams
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Transcript:
Today I wanted to talk about fear and how it holds us back when we're planning our birth.
It really grabs a hold of you and you feel like you don't know what to do. You feel like you don't know where to turn to except for your doctor, and a lot of times they don't help. And man, I feel like I, I kind of bash on doctors a lot and I guess I kind of do. Because I've had so many negative experiences with them, but I realize that they're not all bad.
They're not all coercive. But when we are planning, especially when we're planning a V A C, I feel like there's so much fear instilled in us and when we turn to our doctors, they instill us with so much more. Coercive and fearful language. Like I remember when I was planning my V a C, they kept telling me that I was being irresponsible, that I was gonna kill myself, that this was gonna kill my baby.
Like so many crazy words that. In a normal conversation with a person, you wouldn't say that. You wouldn't be like, oh my gosh, you're gonna kill your baby. You're gonna kill yourself. Like you would try to help somebody, or I, I would, anyway, by giving them facts on both sides of the conversation, like, why is V a C dangerous?
Why is it safe? And then why is the C-section dangerous? Why is the C-section safe? I wouldn't just go with a very, very narrow-minded, um, conclusion without giving both sides to the story. So, I feel like that's a big, big hurdle for us to go over is dealing with that fear. And I've really been diving into this super deep lately because fear is so prevalent and not just planning V back, but planning to give birth in general.
And I feel like a lot of it stems from. You know, TV shows because we see these crazy birth situations and you know, like people are screaming and yelling and rushing and it's not always like that. Of course it can be, but it's not always like that. So we have these preconceived notions of what birth looks like and it actually looks so different.
It can be calm, it can be quiet, it can be enjoyable, it can be some people experience pleasure, like they get orgasms when giving birth. So you really never know what the experience is gonna be like. It just depends on the person, the situation, their body, their baby's position, like so many different factors.
So, you know, there's all this fear surrounding it and I feel like it's really important for us to get to the root of that fear, really dig into ourselves and figure out, like it might even stem from your childhood. It might stem from what your parents showed you birth is, or what they didn't show you.
Birth is what they talked about. Birth could be what you saw on TV shows when you were a child. So, When you have these visions or these things ingrained into you when you're a child, that just completely rolls into your adulthood, and it's like, A part of you. And so it's so important to just figure out where that comes from or if it comes from your doctor, like when you're pregnant and you know they're saying things to you like, well, if you have to get an app episiotomy, or if you have to get a C-section.
So that already instills these fearful situations. Into your mind. So dig into yourself, really figure out where your fears are coming from. And once you do really sit with those fears, and I'm saying like get in a quiet corner spot, whatever, like turn the lights out, make sure it's quiet. And I know if you have other kids, like this is really hard.
But it's so important to sit alone in your own thoughts and quiet and think about where does this fear come from? Why do I have this? Because once you figure that out, you're able to move on to the next step in releasing those fears. So sit with that, and once you're done sitting with that, write all those fears down on a piece of paper, literally one by one.
Go through every single fear, write them down, and no matter what fear it is. If it's valid enough to present itself to you, then it's valid to write down, no matter how silly it might seem like the fear of tearing. There's a lot of people that fear that they're gonna tear, and I was one of those people. I was scared that I was gonna tear because you hear all these horror stories and that's another thing that your fears might come from your friends from their birth.
Stories, because I know I've heard some friends saying, oh, I ripped from my vagina to my butt hole. I had a fourth degree tear and I had to take so long to heal. I took a year to heal, whatever. And you know, of course that is such a valid fear. Write it down. Just write it down like you're fearful for people to see you naked, you're fearful, um, to be, you know, in your primal self, to be yourself around others.
Write it down like it doesn't matter what it is, if it's presenting itself in your mind as a fear, write it down. Okay, so once you have your list of fears, I want you to get in front of the mirror and get your list of your fears and go down that list one by one and say, I am afraid to tear. I am afraid to be seen naked.
I am afraid I'm gonna have a C-section, whatever the fear is. Say it to yourself. Look yourself in the eyes like this will help you. This will help you because you're going to realize how your fears sound out loud. And then once you're done saying this to yourself in the mirror. I want you to take this paper and I want you to go to your partner if you have one, or your support team, and I want you to talk it out with them.
So this is the third thing you're gonna do. You're gonna take that paper and you're gonna go to that support team and you're gonna talk. You're gonna talk your fears out with them. You're gonna tell them all your fears one by one. Once you tell them your fears one by one. I want you to think about together, what is the worst thing that can happen with each fear?
Okay? And then I want you to talk about what's the best case scenario with this fear. Okay? And now if the worst case scenario does happen, What am I gonna do? How am I going to get through this if my worst case scenario happens, what will I do? Like, are you going to, um, Are you going to enlist another support person so that if this does happen, like say you're afraid your doctor's gonna coerce you into doing something that you don't wanna do, make sure that you have either your doula or your partner, whoever your support person is ready, that can be one of the things that you are using to help.
That worst case scenario. So if your doctor is telling you, no, you need to go have a C-section, have that support person that if you cannot talk for yourself at the moment, cuz you know you're going through labor, it's very intense. Then that person is designated to be like, no, we need some time to think about this.
That way, it slows everything down and you don't feel rushed and you can really think about what's happening and you can control the situation as best you can. Obviously if your doctor says you need a C-section and it's not an actual emergency, they're gonna be like, okay, take, take the time you need.
And sometimes if you tell your provider, we're gonna pray about this, a lot of times they will actually just leave the room to give you privacy. So, you know, that's one tip. If you want to get rid of them, say we need to pray about this together. And then they will a lot of times just leave. So, uh, after you go through these scenarios with your partner support person, whoever, and you think about the best case scenario and the worst case scenario, and you think about what you can do, if that worst case scenario happens, That is that step.
Okay. When you guys are done talking and you're done writing everything down, like what you're gonna do in those situations, take all those fears, take that paper that all your fears are on. Take it outside with a lighter because you're going to burn them. Okay, so this is step number four. You are going to take your paper with your fears written on it, and you are going to burn it, literally set it on fire and burn it.
And I want you to say, while you're doing this, these fears do not control me. And then you're just gonna burn it. Okay. I really seriously want you to do that and watch it burn. Watch it burn completely into ash, okay? Those fears are gonna disappear, I'm telling you. Okay. All right, so that is step number four.
We're moving on to step number five. Okay. So you are going to write down some positive affirmations. That feel good to you? Like I personally wrote down affirmations such as I am strong, my body can birth my baby. My body was made to do this. My uterus is strong. And I just, I mixed it up too. I put different positive affirmations.
Whatever felt good to me for that day, because after I wrote these affirmations down, I literally, this is, there's a lot of mirror work in this. Okay. I looked in that mirror and. I said these affirmations to myself. I looked myself in the eyes and I read off each affirmation for the day, and it was like five.
I mixed it up, but it was like I put different ones on this. I had a running list of affirmations. Okay. And each and every day I would speak five to 10 affirmations to myself in the mirror and say them out loud. Not just in my head either. I said it out loud. Okay. I really want you to do this cuz this is powerful.
I. It does feel a little bit awkward to just stare at yourself in the mirror. If you're not used to doing this type of mirror work, it can feel awkward. But if you do this every single day, it is going to feel more natural and it is going to empower you and help you feel confident like crazy. I'm, I'm not kidding, this, this stuff is powerful.
So do this. Okay. Every single day. This is not a one time thing that you just do one day and that's it. You're good. Your fears are gone. No, no, no, no, no, no. This is a daily, daily practice. Okay? And this is just one. This is just one fear release. Activity that you can do. There's many, and I can come back on here and, you know, give you some more of those because I have a whole toolkit of fear releasing activities that work.
But you know, with anything, if you don't practice this every single day, it's not gonna work. Okay. We're not gonna be naive and we're not gonna be lazy. Like if we really want this, if you really want this, you're gonna do it. Okay? It's, in my experience, it's worth it. It is so worth it. And it doesn't take, it takes you hardly any time.
Like putting all these exercises together. The, the thing that takes the longest is. Talking out your fears and thinking of the best and the worst case scenario with your partner support person, whoever it is, that's the thing that takes the longest. All right. Everything else is really quick. I mean like doing the daily positive affirmations, speaking that power into yourself.
That can take like. A couple minutes a day, like two to five minutes, depending on how deep you go. And I'll tell you, when I was doing this, I would look into the mirror and sometimes I would get super emotional. I would cry. I would look at myself and cry. And at first I would, because I was still scared and I was like, can I really do this?
Will this really work? And then as I got towards the end, I would cry too. Why? Because I believed in my damn self so much. I was like, I got this. There's nothing that's gonna stand in my way. I'm not scared. I'm ready. I was like, bring it on baby. I'm so ready for this. Like, I've prepared and I've trained for this.
There's nothing that's gonna stand in my way. Not even myself. I'm not gonna stand in my way. These fearful thoughts, they're not gonna stand in my way. Like, I freaking got this. I got this on lock. Like no fear. No fear. I was, I felt like. Almost like a crazy person because I was like, no fear. I was like so ready.
And I remember I was asked, I was actually asked like, aren't you scared? Aren't you scared that your uterus is gonna rupture? Aren't you scared? And I was like, Nope. I trust my body. I believe in my body's innate ability to give birth to my baby out of my vagina. It is going to happen. Like there's nothing.
Nothing that's gonna hold me back cuz I got this, I got this. And if you've been following my story, I freaking did it. I freaking did it. Like I birthed my baby against all odds against everything. Like my, my providers would tell me against what I heard friends and family tell me I did it. Against a lot because I released those fears.
Okay. I didn't let them hold me back. And I feel like this not just pertains to birth, but this is like everyday life stuff. Okay. Like this can help with everything. Everything. Like if you have a fear of, I don't know, whatever it is, whatever that fear is like. Put these steps towards it, work on those fears, because if you really look at the bigger picture and you actually look at what can actually happen, like what is the actual worst case scenario, it's not that bad.
It's really not. We hold ourselves back a lot because of those fears. And I'll also relate it to business because once I became a doula, And a birth educator. And now I consider myself a mindset coach because I freaking enjoy this mindset stuff. This mindset work so much. I never realized how much I would enjoy it.
Like I love it because there's so much that is holding us back. And, uh, l let's go back to my thought. I have a little bit of d h d, so I can be all over the place, but go back to my original thought. Okay. This can pertain to anything in our life. Because as a doula, you are now an entrepreneur. Unless you are, you know, belonging to like a doula collective.
You're your own boss. You do everything. I didn't realize that at all before I became a doula. Once I started becoming a doula and doing the doula work and all this stuff, I'm like, oh my gosh. I'm like, Doing the finances, doing the marketing. I have to learn how to pay for my expenses and also pay for myself.
Uh, there's so much to it and I was scared in the beginning. I was like, how am I gonna do this? I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not an entrepreneur, but, but I did these exercises. When I was preparing, because I noticed that all this fearful language was coming into my mind, and I was like, why? Why am I so scared?
What am I so scared of? And of course, I'll just give you an example. Fear of failure. And I was scared to fail. I was scared to lose all of our money that I invested in becoming a doula because there's money that you have to invest. You know, it's like, You have to invest in your business. And I do placenta encapsulations.
So before I could start doing encapsulation, I actually pre-B bought all the stuff, the dehydrator, the, the pill jars. Like, uh, there's so many different things that you need to buy because I have a whole separate placenta kit that I have to sterilize and make sure it's like stainless steel or glass. So that, you know, there's no cross contamination, uh, anyways, it's a whole, it's a whole thing.
So, you know, there's that big fear of failure. It's like, am I gonna lose money for my family because I'm pursuing something that I'm passionate about? And so there's a lot of pressure and there's a lot of fear. So like I said, it pertains to everything in your life doing those, those fear clearing exercises, that really helped me coming into this business.
Now, I'm not gonna say I'm perfect, because as an entrepreneur, your business is always evolving, so there's always something different, you know, you're getting your hands into, but that was a humongous step that I took to help. Get this fear out of my mind cuz it's toxic. Fear is toxic. It keeps us from doing so many things and like we only, the way I look at it is like we only have this one life, okay.
That we remember unless you believe in resurrection or reincarnation, but, We only have this one life. Okay? Why are we going to let fear hold us back from living our best life? You know how big the world is? There's so much world out there for us to explore experience. We can't let fear hold us back. It's not worth it.
Because if we let fear hold us back, we're gonna be listening to everybody telling us what to do instead of doing what we want to do. We're not gonna push past that line that's put in front of us because that's scary. And I get that. It's freaking scary. But if you stay behind that line, you always will.
And you're never gonna live to your full potential. You're never gonna do the things that scare you cuz you're gonna let that fear hold you back. We don't know how beautiful, how amazing our lives can be if we just push past that line. Did you know that we're born with two fears? One is the fear of falling and the other is the fear of loud noises.
Any other fear is learned. Okay? Any other fear besides those two in our entire lives is learned. We're not born with these fears, so if these fears are learned, then guess what? We can overcome them because we can learn how to overcome them. All right. That's all I wanted to say today. I just had to get that out there cuz Oh my goodness.
It's been inside of me because I've just, I've had so many consultations with people and that is like, the biggest thing is like, they're so scared. They're so scared of, of, of birth. They're so scared of pregnancy of. Of postpartum. They're so scared. There's just this, I'm scared. I'm scared, I'm scared.
That's that's a big, big word that I hear all the time. So I really just want you to push past this and be able to, and if you need help, I'm here. I am so here for you. And like I said, I've been diving into mindset work. And I've actually been doing mindset coaching, so I can help you with your mindset if you need help, if you need to do the work to clear those fears and you needed a little extra help.
Then the tips that I gave you, just click the link in the show notes and we can set up like a discovery call. And we can see if we even align to work together. And once we get on this discovery call, if we decide we wanna work together, then we go through these weekly coaching calls and I will help get your mindset right.
We will help push past those fears together because I know it can be lonely. It can feel so lonely when you're trying to do this important work. So I just wanna make sure that you know, I'm in your corner and if you need that help, I'm here. Okay. All right. Well my dear friend, I am going to sign off, but if you need me, I'm here.
Until next time. Bye. Hey, so I wanted to take a quick moment and share a company with you that I have actually started supporting. So the name is called Needed. And I think this name is so appropriate because these products are so needed. What they have is they have prenatals and it comes in pills and powder form.
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I really hope you enjoyed listening to this episode as much as I enjoyed creating it. Please subscribe so you don't miss any of the discussions on all of these hot. Topics. Head over to my Instagram at the Birth Junkie podcast to let me know what you thought about this episode. I can't wait to see you here next week.
Until next time. Bye.
