How to believe in yourself when nobody else does!
Nikki is a single mom of 5 beautiful kids. Her oldest child is 16 and has ADHD with traits of ODD and is awaiting assessment for ASD, she also has 1-year-old twins.
Having given both so many times and at different stages in her life, 23 when she had her first child and 38 when she had the twins.
Her birthing experiences have only improved, she has learned to trust the process and she's here to share her experiences with the hope that she can help other pregnant women to trust their instincts and bodies.
Overview of this episode:
How each of her labor experiences has differed
Advocating for herself during her twin birth experience
Everyone will always have their own opinion on what you "should" do
Connect with me, Nikki ⤵️
Instagram: @nikki_dyer1
Email: nickydyer78@gmail.com
Don't forget to subscribe to the Birth Junkie Podcast for more empowering conversations and insights on all things birth-related.
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Transcript:
Welcome to the Birth Junkie podcast. Today I have an amazing guest. Her name is Nikki Dyer. She is a single mom to five beautiful children. Her oldest child is 16 and has ADHD with traits of ODD and is awaiting assessment for ASD. She also has one year old twins and having given birth so many times and at different stages in her life.
23 when she had her first child and 38 when she had her twins. Her birth experiences have only improved as she's learned to trust the process. And she's here to share her experiences with the hope that she can help other pregnant women to trust their instincts and bodies. I love that. Love, love, love. Hi!
Yes, I'm Nikki and I have a massive brood of children, I'd say five, um, but yeah, literally every pregnancy has just been so different, like, just, it, it's amazing if I think about my first one, how, yeah. how much of a difference it's been from 23 to then 38 having the twins. It's just crazy. Yeah. So how was it when you first got pregnant?
Did you feel like prepared? Absolutely not. I was 23 and I was at university at the time. And if I'm brutally honest, I never actually really comprehended what was happening to me. Like, I was just so focused on, so focused on making sure I finished my, my uni year. So the day I went into labour, I was actually at my mum's.
I was doing an assignment and I'm having, I'd went walk in the dark, I'd had a quarry and my mum's going, I'm going, I'm getting all these pains, mum, and she's like, that baby's coming. No, it's not. No, it's not. No, it's not. It's not coming. Anyway, transpired that the baby was coming. So I was whizzed, like my mum lived about 30 miles away from the hospital and she whizzed me back to Birmingham, gets onto the ward.
They're like, right. The baby's not coming, you're only a centimeter dilated. So they sent my mum home. They gave me pephedine. I was like, no, you need to, you know, obviously you're 23. You need pephedine. So I had that. My son came within 40 minutes. of me having that pephedine, my first. When I say my pregnancy was like, my label was like a comedy sketch.
I was locking myself in toilets, I was screaming because the midwives weren't listening to me. I'm ringing my mum, crying like, where are you mum? Why are you not here? And I had my son on my own. Okay. Whoa. That's crazy that you barely hear about that, especially for a first baby. So what is, what is, I've never heard of that.
Pephidine, you said? Pephidine. Yeah. So it's, I have no idea. It's just some talk. You get Pephidine or you've got obviously Repidurals, which I've always been adverse to Repidurals, but that's a whole other conversation. We'll touch on that later. Cause that's quite interesting with the twins. But yeah, I felt so drugged off, like out of control.
It was actually quite a horrible experience. I mean, it wasn't, you know, don't get me wrong. Other people have much more traumatic experiences, you know, than what I went through, but still it was traumatic to me because even though I was 23, I was actually quite an immature 23 year old. Right? And I have to know, as much as you go to these antenatal classes, it's kind of in one ear, out the other, and it's only afterwards when you've had the baby and you're sitting there looking at this beautiful human you created, you're like, whoa, okay, reality sets in.
Right, yeah, yeah, because, and, you know, some people, Do prepare for the postpartum, which is getting your support team or preparing meals ahead of time and all that stuff. But especially if you don't, you're like, Oh my gosh, like, what do I do with this? This little baby. Yeah, literally, that was me. I mean, I was fortunate because my sister, she's, I'm 16 years older than her.
So in terms of physical care of the baby, I was brilliant because, you know, I was 23. I used to help my mum out, so that side of things, but nothing can prepare you for the emotional aspect of it. Yeah, that's the emotional aspect of bringing another human into this world is just Mind blowing how it can put you in, you know, I had postnatal depression and I think, and I got to the point where I had to have a, I had to see a clinical psychologist.
And what they had said to me is I was having attachment issues because of the circumstances around me having
him and I was looking at him and just seeing, projecting. I just see his dad, which meant I didn't have, you know, and I look back now and it hurts because I just think initially when I was my first child, I didn't have an emotional attachment to him. I was doing everything for him, feeding him, looking after him.
But what saved me was going back to work oddly enough. So when he was six months old, I went back into employment. And that's when I quickly realised that, you know what, I needed something to be me. I just needed I didn't want to just be defined as mom. I wanted to keep my identity as well. And obviously from that, things just improved.
And, you know, we, well, he's 16 now. Yeah, yeah. And I think that's so important. Like that you bring that up because of course, it's amazing to be able to create this life. And then, you know, we're, we're supposed to be so grateful because not everybody has this opportunity as you hear often, which I totally get.
But I think it's important to talk about the fact that not everybody has those feelings and it's okay. It's okay to want to feel like you're a separate person than your baby, even though you've just given birth because I mean, at the end of the day, we are our own person still. We have to learn how to sit with ourselves.
So, yeah. Thank you for bringing that up. Nah, that is fine. But yeah, sorry if I've moved on a little bit. But yeah, no, literally, that's exactly how I felt. And it was just, it was, it was, it was hard. And, but at the same time, having him so young, I would say I wouldn't have achieved what I had without him because it gave me, you know, there was a whole youth from family members.
That's it. You've ruined your life. You're 23. You're a single parent. You've ruined your life. You're never going to finish your degree. Well, I did with a 2. 1, 1% off of first. I then went on to do a master's in mental health and well being as well. Wow. That's amazing. Congratulations. My son. So it's, it's, It gave me the motivation to, because of the circumstances that I'd had, it gave me the motivation to succeed and to be an inspiration to him.
Because that's also important in parenting and making sure that as parents, don't get me wrong, we get things wrong, we absolutely do. But it's so important to make sure that we are being a good role model and even acknowledging You know, as they're older, if you've done something wrong, because we do, don't we?
Do! You might have a bad day at work, and you might come back home and snap at the kids, and you don't necessarily mean to, but it's about in their moments acknowledging, okay, you know what, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that to you all, you know, and giving them time, time, time, time, giving them time. So, so important.
Yeah, we definitely need to do that because it showcases to them that it's okay to be human and have these human emotions that are not always happy and excited. And then if we do feel like, you know, we were unnecessarily, you know, mean or yelled at them, then apologize. Because then that shows them, you know, if they do the same thing, it's okay to apologize, it's okay to admit that you were wrong.
Exactly. Exactly. That's, that's really, really important to do. So yeah, so, like, that birthing experience was crazy. And then I, I met my daughter's dad. And, oh, I'm also one of those that have multiple dads, and I, I, I own it. I absolutely own it. It is what it is. So my daughter's dad, we were together, we were friends.
So he was always around my son and he's taken my son on as his own. And I had my daughters, Lila was totally planned. Absolutely loved it. Wanted a home birth. I was adamant that I didn't want to have any medication so I started to look at hypnobirthing techniques and breathing and I had, I had the pool at home and I knew exactly how I wanted to have Lila.
However, when I got to 40 weeks and 5 days with I felt like her movements were reducing so they checked me over. No, no, no, everything's fine, but because you're over 40 days, you're going to have to come in for an induction. What? You've just ruined my whole birthing plan. Please, can I have her at home?
Absolutely not. So, I had to go into hospital and be induced with her. That experience for me was a little bit, it was better. What frustrated me, there was a period where, towards the end, where I was telling the midwife. The baby's coming. No, no, no, no, no. I've just checked you. It's not. I literally pushed myself up and it was a good job.
My mom was at the end of the bed because my daughter shut out and my mom caught her. Yeah. And it's, that drives me crazy how like, they'll be like, no, it's not time. Like you don't know your own body. Like you can't feel what's going on. Like, oh my gosh, you can go from five centimeters to 10 centimeters and be ready to push within five minutes or, you know, whatever your body can go that fast.
Exactly, but that's evidently what happened with my first because within 40 1 to 10 within 40 minutes. So it's, it kind of gets a bit like, why are these professionals not listening to us as women? I have a lot to say about that.
Uh huh. Yeah, I know. I mean, I don't know what it's like out in the USA. Um, but it's like, yeah, it gets frustrating. It's like, well, we know our bodies. Uh huh. We absolutely know our buddies. So yeah, so that was good, but then I fell pregnant within 10
months with my second daughter, sorry, but my third child. Faith was actually growth restricted. So that was challenging in the respect of I ended up with S P d, I dunno if you call it s p D over there. Mm-hmm. . Yes, I was on and mobility wise, it was really, really painful. Um, and then I had faith, but because she was growth, growth restricted, I then had to have another induction again.
But again, that birth was perfect. Absolutely perfect. You know, I was doing everything I needed to do. That birth, I think, lasted about six hours since she was born. So it wasn't very, very long. Um, and yeah, everything was fine. Mental health wasn't too bad. Actually went back to work when she was 12 weeks old.
So I had my daughter as well, big, massive gap, and then I get pregnant with twins in two. And how was that pregnancy? That was crazy. So, I knew pretty much as soon two days before my misperiod or three days before my misperiod like, I was noticing a metallic taste in my mouth and I'd done the pregnancy test and I kid you not as soon as it had contact with what it needed to have contact with those lines were there for a minute.
Pregnant. Whoa. All sorts of things go through your head because you're thinking, actually, oh my gosh, I'm pregnant. I'm 38. Is my body going to handle it very well? I'm going to be doing the school run until I'm in my 50s. All those things are going through your head. Well, a few days after finding out I was pregnant, I then started spotting.
So, I knew the
NHS here was, there wasn't very, there wasn't very supportive through that process. So, I booked in for a private scan, and then I booked in for this private scan. And he was hovering around and I was looking and I'm thinking I'm sure there's two sacks there. I've got to be honest, it was actually a triplet pregnancy.
Natural. Also, you lost one of the babies. I did lose, I did, I did lose one. Um, I kind of take it as, do you know what, I'm just fortunate. I know that sounds a wrong word, fortunate. I'm just. It was easier in a way to deal with because it was so early on. Mm hmm. Yeah. Like, you could blatantly see that it just hadn't developed in the way that the other two were.
Right. Right. And you kind of just, you have to take the positives out of every situation, don't you? Yeah. Like, you're in the negative situation, but the positives are my beautiful little boy is... are here, alive and kicking but what I will say on that pregnancy journey, it's just so different. Twin pregnancies are so different.
I felt like from the very first day I had the private scan, I just seemed to have scan after scan after scan. Twin clinics, it's just phenomenal. Like, professionals saying, you do realise it's going to be premature and you're like, Okay, but I've got non identical twins, so the risks to my pregnancy are lesser than identical.
And again, it was quite, had I have not had children before, I think that experience could have been a lot worse. Because I was so fit, it was almost like the constantly instilled fear. Into me about the potential of me going into premature labour and you've got more risks and it was, it was just a weird, weird time because also because of that there, there were times where I had twinges that I would have had in my singleton pregnancies, that I would have just thought nothing of, that I was more heightened to with the twins.
Right. Which on that side of things was just like. Why? Like, I don't get it. And funnily
enough, actually, after, and I met a midwife who had twins herself, and I brought this up, and she said, that's exactly how I felt. And that was 23, you know, 23, 24 years ago. She said, that's exactly how I felt. So that's evident that things haven't really changed. Um, but I think what was most enjoyable about the twins is I stood my ground more.
So I was told I'd have to have an epidural. I didn't have an epidural and I mean every single twin clinic appointment and obviously you don't get consistent consultants, do you? It's different ones. So every single appointment I went to, Oh, you do have to, you know, you have to have an epidural. No, I don't.
I don't need an epidural. I don't want one. I've done gas and air. I know my body. Gone through, gone through to the point that the day I was on the labour ward with this massive team of people around, by the way, phenomenal amount of people, the last consultant that I spoke to had said, I could have the epidural providing if they put it in situ.
But don't give me a dose. And I said, okay, that's fair enough. If I can have it in situ, but not have it, I'm cool with that. Partly because I don't like the idea of putting my trust in someone else telling me when to push. Mm hmm. I understand that people have to have it under different circumstances, C sections, etc.
But actually, for somebody who's never had a C section, never torn, has gone home every day, the same day every child's been born, I think my body knows what it's doing in this scenario. So, this anaesthetist come up, and he was like, No, you're going to have to have it in because we have to give you a dose, a dose to test that you're not allergic.
We will not know if we put it in situ and we don't give you some of it. We won't know if you're going to have an allergic reaction. So I looked and I was like, it's absolutely not happening. I'm not having the epidural and I'll take the risk on the chin and I successfully had the twins without an epidural with gas and air and was home the next day because I had them in the morning.
That was probably the only pregnancy surgery that I did stay in one day for and I was like, get me home. Yeah. Oh, I bet. So how long was your labor from like start to finish with the twins? So when did I break my waters? I think they broke my waters around. I remember them breaking them around 12:00 AM and they were born at eight thirty three and 8 36.
Wow. That is amazing. Really long in the grand scheme of things. Right, and so did you go into labour naturally or did you? No, I had to be induced again because for some reason the last two pregnancies I've had, both the, well, both three of them have been growth restricted. So I had no choice but to be. I suppose I could have asked, but I just thought, you know what, given it being twins as well, let's just go down that path.
And I still see, even though I was induced, I still see that as giving me birth, giving birth naturally. Definitely. No, it wasn't natural you were induced, but it was natural, because. I still had a vaginal delivery. Yeah, it definitely depends on who you talk to because some people define having a natural birth as the entire process from start to finish was not created by a man, like it was not a man made intervention.
And some people you talk to, they just say as long as you had a vaginal birth, that was natural. So it depends on who you talk to. Yeah, for me, I'm like, it was natural. That's, that's my school of thought, because at the end of the day, you know, yes, they induced me, but my body's done the rest of it. Yeah, definitely.
I mean, you did amazing. You delivered twins. Vaginally, which is not necessarily the norm now. And it's crazy though, because I read this article about this lady. Cause I, I love learning about birth and fun facts. So I Googled how many kids is the most kids that anyone has ever given birth to. And this lady, I can't remember now if it was 67 or 69, but she had 67 or 69 children that she gave birth to.
Yes. Vaginally. All of them. And she had, I can't remember the sets, but she had singletons, twins, triplets, and quadruplets. Wow. So, yeah. And I mean, look at that. I think that was in like the 1800s, mid to late 1800s, but she didn't have any C sections. She gave birth to all of those children out of her vagina.
And there was not any, exactly, not even C sections. There was just no sort of... healthcare like there is today. I'll tell you one thing I do love, and I've had a friend that's done free birthing, and I am so, if I was to do it all again, I would 100% go free birthing route. A hundred, a hundred percent. Because...
Your body knows what it's doing and don't get me wrong, things do go wrong, but if you are researching, knowledge is power and you're making informed choices. Why not? Exactly. And I've actually said that before, like, if I had a redo, I would, I would give him birth at home. I would give him birth with just like a doula and my family, like nobody else.
Nobody else. Because birth has happened for how many, like thousands and then millions of years, because not only have we given birth, but before us. Animals gave birth, like, unassisted, like, your body knows how to do it. It's only within the past, like, 100 to 200 years have we been, like, intensely intervening in women's pregnancies and bodies and all the, all the things, so.
I do. See, I would say I'm one of them that sit, sort of, in between. I'm not. too far one side, but I'm not too far. And I think it always depends on individual circumstances. I feel like someone like myself, who has had pretty much no problems within my pregnancies, major issues, you know, I've never tore, never had to have stitches.
Gone home, like I said. Actually, I think the risks are a lot lower. So why then, I'd just love to pick, unpick and understand why then medical professionals want to try and put women like myself in stilling fear into you when there doesn't need to be. Yes, and I, I, I feel like it's multiple reasons because, I mean, even though we have all these amazing interventions that we can use like c sections, epidurals, if somebody really truly needs or wants them in order to have the birth that they need to because of medical conditions or whatever, I mean, that's the point of them creating these was that they could improve the maternal, you know, death rate, which It, it hasn't improved it.
Like, I mean, the statistics are horrendous. It's supposed to be lower, but in some countries and states, they're higher. And, like, people of colour, like, I mean, I was just about to say. Theirs are the worst. And, it's crazy. It's crazy because they created all of this to help, but it's not helping. No, I, I, I would absolutely, I would absolutely fundamentally, I agree, I don't think it's helping at all, but yeah, if I could redo my births 100%, I'd go down the free, free birthing, unassisted, and just get on with it, because ultimately, you know what, you know what to do, and it's having that confidence to reject the medical model to an extent, because that's what we're essentially doing.
We do have autonomy. do have a say in what we want to do with our bodies and just, you know, let us let women have that. Um, but yeah, obviously my confidence from my first has helped me, you know, it's grown. Because I was in a position, you know, if I'd have been 23, in that room with all those medical professionals around me at 23, I'd have, well I did, I took pephedine and I didn't want to take it, you know?
It was like, they said you've got to have it, so I'm going to take it. And my birthing experience was horrible. It was, it was just out of all of them, it was the worst, the worst one. Um, so yeah, it's just crazy. I know, it is, and you know, I think a big reason why we trust these professionals so much is because, yes, they did go to school for all these years.
Yes, they do know how to perform surgery, and we don't. But, Even though they may be an expert in that field, they are not an expert on our bodies. And even if they feel like they're an expert on women's bodies, no woman's two bodies are the same. So I feel like it's important for us, we have to take the initiative and become experts on our own bodies.
That way, we don't feel like we even need to look to somebody else to figure out what we should do. We should hone into our intuition so that we can have that autonomy, like you said, and be able to make informed decisions about the way our birth unfolds. I absolutely 100% agree with that, you know, and not only just that, and the not feeling pressurised, pressured by others, because that's a big thing as well.
You want to deviate from the norm, you have family, friends, your support team, as you refer to it. Oh, you don't want to do this, oh, you might want to try that. It's like. No. I'm having that confidence again to be like, you know what, people are going to have opinions on how you're going to have your birth and what you should and shouldn't do.
Don't consume it. Reject it. If you know what you want to do and you've looked and you've made those informed decisions, run with it. And don't listen, especially when, and I don't mean this like, I love the older generation because they give such amazing advice and some things, but equally, we're a different generation and times have changed and, you know, even down to how you prepare a bottle, it's just changed massively from when I had my son at 23.
Habits is nine. You know, I've also had rejection, I've also faced rejection, not rejection but criticisms over the fact I haven't really, I've not chosen to breastfeed all of mine. That's partly just because I wasn't in the position to because I had to go back to work. So the amount of breastfeeding that I could do was very much time limited.
Yeah. Which made it hard, you know, it makes it harder, doesn't it? Definitely. And that's your, that's your choice. Like, I think it doesn't matter what the choice is. If you feel like that's the right choice for you, then that's great. That's amazing. That's the best decision ever. Because like you said, everybody's going to have their own opinion about what you should be doing, but ultimately they're not the ones that's going to live with your decision.
You are exactly, exactly. I could go on a tangent with this
central theme of what I want women to know is just literally believe in your self educate yourself. Just. Choose the path that you want to go down because you only get that experience once, twice and it's just, as soon as they're here it's like after a year you're like, wow, where's that time gone? And then you're looking at them and they're 16.
I know it. I know it. I mean, I told you I have an 18 year old and I'm like, wasn't she just a baby? Like, that feels like it was yesterday. It's, it's mind boggling. It really is mind boggling, isn't it? It's crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy. But yeah, so that would be my overarching theme of, you know, just literally trust yourself.
Yeah, and so I know you're a single mom. So were you a single mom throughout this entire journey of parenthood? No, no, it wasn't. Um, relationship breakdowns as they are, um, and my twin's dad, my twin's dad, we are brilliant, we get on really, really well. Um, but yeah, it's just not, it's just not worked. I'm very fortunate, you know, the, the girl's dad, we were together for 11 years.
So in reality to me, I'm not embarrassed that I've got multiple dads to different things because actually I had one relationship that lasted 11 years and then I met someone else and it just, it just hasn't panned out. And ultimately, when I got pregnant. I could have had an abortion. I didn't want to.
I've brought life into this world three times. I didn't want to do that, so I made the decision to continue with the pregnancy. And I did, and I don't regret it for a second. I absolutely love my crazy little family. And I'm proud, you know, of what I've achieved. Yeah, who wouldn't like to be married one day or whatever, but it hasn't worked out for me and it just, it is what it is, but actually I've got five beautiful children who love me unconditionally and I would put that above any relationship.
Yes, and who gives a crap what anybody thinks? Okay. That's it. I don't, I genuinely, I genuinely, I don't care. I own, everybody's life is different and I own the things that have happened. And at the end of the day, you know, when I was 23. I knew that relationship was never really going to go nowhere. I chose to keep my son.
That was it. Done. Then, you know, there was my daughter's dad. We were just, you know, not suited, whatever. We've gone our separate ways. Fine. But, I can honestly say, my children have got incredible fathers. They've got two men in their life. You know, my twin's dad, he does so much for my daughters.
Because he loves them like they're his own too. It takes a village. Yeah. And so that's why I was asking you because I was going to ask you, like, how have you been supported through each of these journeys? Like have you had support? A hundred percent, a hundred percent. I, I have to say I am fortunate. Like my mom, when I had my first one, my mom was brilliant.
Absolutely brilliant. You know, my dad, everyone around me, my family, they knew that I, they, they wanted to see me achieve. So you get some family members that were a bit, but when I walked out of uni with my qualifications, that kind of just went out. Eating the words. Yeah. Yeah. So if somebody were going through like a similar situation as you, would there be any tips or advice that you would give them in order to feel like supported through this journey?
Um, absolutely. So I would say just believe in yourself again, and don't put pressure on yourself and just know that. Life changes and just because you are on your own with the child doesn't mean that you won't meet someone else doesn't mean that you can't achieve because I'm living proof that no matter, you know, I've got five and I've still been able to achieve.
It's hard. It is incredibly hard. Not going to say it's easy at all because it's not, but you can do it. And if you find, you know, join parenting groups, have a good support, if you've got a good social network of friends, that helps. There's always some support out there. You've just got to be resourceful to find it.
Yeah. Yeah. And so we were talking about how you... Are into coaching, so I would love to hear about that. Okay. So I am a mindset and accountability coach, and I've wanted to be a coach for a long, long, long, long time just because of all the, my life experiences and the thi the obstacles that I've overcome.
So I am, my socials are in work in progress and websites due to go to be launched very, very soon. Um, but yeah, I literally wanna help individuals and that's meant. women just to work on self limiting, you know, experiencing self limiting beliefs, which we all have. I'm kind of just helping you to look and reassess and reframe your thoughts.
And to overcome any obstacles that are preventing individuals, you know, from living and achieving the goals in life. Because ultimately, I want everyone to succeed, whoever I work. I love nothing more than seeing everyone succeed and win at life. So, hence, ND Coaching was born. I love it. I love it. And obviously you're living proof, like...
Look at everything you've accomplished. You're amazing. Like, oh my gosh. I cannot wait for people to find you and be able to work with you. So if somebody, of course, so if somebody wants to connect with you, what would be the best way to do that? I'd say at the moment, the best way to contact me would just be on my personal Facebook page at the moment, which is Nikki D.
E E. Drop me a message on there if anyone wants to connect with me Um, but then I do have like I say my coaching business is just nd coaching And but like my socials is in process. But yeah, anybody wants to reach out and I mean anything even if it's not for like coaching just advice anything my Messages are always open because I just want to help I love that.
Well, thank you so much for sharing your incredible journey with us. And I seriously want to record more episodes with you because I feel like we could just talk and talk for, for hours.
Well, I don't want to keep you because I know what it's now like two, almost two 30 in the morning. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Well, thank you so much for taking the time out of your night to chat with me, get some rest, Nikki. Yeah, thank you so much. It's been a pleasure, Petra. Alright, well, until next time, my dear.
Okay, take care. Bye! Oh my gosh, I feel so honoured that you took the time out of your busy day to listen to that episode. I really hope that you liked it or something resonated with you or you learned something new today. Make sure to hit subscribe so that you don't miss an episode, and if you'd like to connect with me, go ahead and go to the show notes and click the link.
I'd love for you to rate and review this show. That helps more people see this show when they're 13. Thank you so much, and I hope you have a beautiful day. I will see you next week.
